[Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal We believe that people who love erotica are more than just faceless members sitting at a computer looking at photos of nameless models. We are a community, a cooperative, a society of people that are more than the dollar amount of their site memberships. Deviant Nation We believe that people who love erotica are more than just faceless members sitting at a computer looking at photos of nameless models. We are a community, a cooperative, a society of people that are more than the dollar amount of their site memberships. We are striving to combine community, subculture, artistic expression and erotica all at once. Deviant Nation satan@deviantnation.com Girls,Pinup,Tattoo,Pierced,Goth,Punk,Rockabilly,emo,Metal,Subcultures yes http://deviantnation.com/girls/LadyLazarus en-us Copyright 2003-2008 Deviant Nation, Inc. satan@deviantnation.com Sat, 15 Mar 2003 07:00:00 GMT Thu, 28 Aug 2008 04:56:18 GMT 60 DN Logo http://i.deviantnation.com/i/dn-logo-small.png http://deviantnation.com Deviant Nation 76 144 Pouting http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/76292 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); "><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; ">&nbsp;Hmm...<br /> I went to the dentist yesterday just for a few fillings....but he numbed me like crazy! I looked like a stroke victim all night...<br /> see:</span></span><br /> <img width="770" height="578" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/142321/" /><span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 102); "><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; ">Wow..my phone takes decent pictures! ha ha ha<br /> What else?&nbsp;<br /> I've been sewing curtains and painting ponies for K's daughter to kill time.&nbsp;<br /> I was suppose to go the a school of instruction for the Eastern Star this evening, but panicked myself into not going Well, I went...stood outside the door....then I was late...so I was more nervous so I ran off.&nbsp;<br /> So, now I'm sitting at home berating myself.&nbsp;<br /> R and I have been fighting nearly consistently...it's lovely. Sometimes I just don't say anything and listen to him argue with himself.&nbsp;<br /> I am so glad to be back! I can't put into words how much I missed this place!&nbsp;<br /> I swear I had more pics to upload, lemme go look! :)</span></span><br /> <img width="770" height="578" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/142323/" /><span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); "><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; ">Free time killing....<br /> Damn I need a job!</span></span> <div><span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); "><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; ">I think I'd have less anxiety issues if I could get myself back to work. I'm getting so desperate I'm about to apply at McDonalds. &nbsp; ERGH!</span></span></div> <p><img width="770" height="513" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/142324/" /><span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 102); "><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; ">My dog has been possessed! ha ha ha<br /> Its starting to get cold at night. I am not ready for the cold quite yet.&nbsp;<br /> Well, back to the pony painting ....<br /> maybe I'll go ride my bike....<br /> damn do I sound ADDish tonight...<br /> Tag you're it!<br /> XXX</span></span><br /> &nbsp;</p> Blog yes  Hmm...
I went to the dentist yesterday just for a few fillings....but he numbed me like crazy! I looked like a stroke victim all night...
see:
Wow..my phone takes decent pictures! ha ha ha
What else? 
I've been sewing curtains and painting ponies for K's daughter to kill time. 
I was suppose to go the a school of instruction for the Eastern Star this evening, but panicked myself into not going Well, I went...stood outside the door....then I was late...so I was more nervous so I ran off. 
So, now I'm sitting at home berating myself. 
R and I have been fighting nearly consistently...it's lovely. Sometimes I just don't say anything and listen to him argue with himself. 
I am so glad to be back! I can't put into words how much I missed this place! 
I swear I had more pics to upload, lemme go look! :)
Free time killing....
Damn I need a job!
I think I'd have less anxiety issues if I could get myself back to work. I'm getting so desperate I'm about to apply at McDonalds.   ERGH!

My dog has been possessed! ha ha ha
Its starting to get cold at night. I am not ready for the cold quite yet. 
Well, back to the pony painting ....
maybe I'll go ride my bike....
damn do I sound ADDish tonight...
Tag you're it!
XXX
 

]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/76292/#comments 20 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/76292 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/76292 Wed, 27 Aug 2008 01:47:28 GMT Stolen from Nanachan http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/76149 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus &nbsp;<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11px; ">- Put your music on shuffle and answer the questions with the song that comes up!<br /> <br /> What is your name? Or what should your name be?<br /> Tearjerker- Korn<br /> <br /> How is your life going?<br /> One Who Feeds- Genitortures<br /> <br /> What is your nickname?<br /> Hellbound 17 1/2- Primus<br /> <br /> What is your theme song?<br /> Get Your Gunn- Marilyn Manson ha ha ha<br /> <br /> What is your best friend's theme song?<br /> Politics- Korn<br /> <br /> How is your life going to turn out?<br /> The Bright Young Things- Marilyn Manson<br /> <br /> Will you get married?<br /> Great Big White World- Marilyn Manson hmmmm we've lost variety here<br /> <br /> Will you have kids?<br /> Selfish Man- Flogging Molly<br /> <br /> What will your job be?<br /> Did my Time- Korn<br /> <br /> Did you/will you finish school?<br /> Clown- Korn<br /> <br /> Who is your best friend?<br /> Lullaby- Perfect Circle<br /> <br /> Who is or will be your significant other?<br /> Viginti Tres- Tool<br /> <br /> Who do you like?<br /> Hidden Track- Korn ha ha ha<br /> <br /> How will you die?<br /> Ossuary- Sleepy Time Gorilla Museum<br /> <br /> How do you feel right now?<br /> Johnny- Unknown Artist whooo<br /> <br /> What is your favorite song?<br /> Flesh is the Law- Genitortures<br /> <br /> How could you describe your parents?<br /> Peep Hole- System of a Down<br /> <br /> Your best friend[s]?<br /> All the Way Down- Volatiare<br /> <br /> Your significant other [or crush...]?<br /> The Black Art of Deception- Goatwhore<br /> <br /> Yourself?<br /> Roullette- System of a Down<br /> <br /> What is your best feature?<br /> FC The Freedom Club- Sleepy Time Gorilla Museum<br /> <br /> What will you be / should you be, profession-wise?<br /> Long Hard Road Out of Hell- Marilyn Manson<br /> <br /> What makes you angry?<br /> Snakes- Volatire<br /> <br /> What makes you sad?<br /> Falling Away From Me- Korn<br /> <br /> What makes you happy?<br /> Needles- System of a Down<br /> <br /> What makes you dance?<br /> No Way- Korn....now that is appropriate!<br /> <br /> What is your favorite color?<br /> Wrong Radio Noise- Marilyn Manson&nbsp;<br /> <br /> How would you describe yourself?<br /> Caught a Light Sneeze- Volatire<br /> <br /> Who is your worst enemy?<br /> Alone I Break- Korn<br /> <br /> Who do you hate?<br /> Aerials- System of a Down<br /> <br /> Who do you love?<br /> Trash- Korn...ok I don't even think I own this much Korn WTF????<br /> <br /> Who do you lust after?<br /> House of Shame- Genitortures...how true<br /> <br /> Finish the Sentece<br /> <br /> I wish...<br /> Tainted Love- Marilyn Manson<br /> <br /> I want to...<br /> Reflection- Tool<br /> <br /> I want to kill...<br /> Reality Check- Genitortures<br /> <br /> I want to eat...<br /> See you in Hell- Voltaire<br /> <br /> My head...<br /> Gently- Slipknot<br /> <br /> I am...<br /> Mr. Rogers- Korn<br /> <br /> My best feature is...<br /> The War Inside- Mushroomhead<br /> <br /> My eyes are...<br /> What Do You Think- Anti-Flag<br /> <br /> My hair is...<br /> Dinner with Deloris- Prince<br /> <br /> My face is...<br /> Invincible- Static X<br /> <br /> You should...<br /> Rope- Pig<br /> <br /> Random<br /> <br /> Words of advice<br /> Somebody's Somebody- Prince<br /> <br /> How do others see me?<br /> Another Voice- Agnostic Front<br /> <br /> How do I see myself?<br /> Fight til Death- Slayer</span> Blog yes - Put your music on shuffle and answer the questions with the song that comes up!

What is your name? Or what should your name be?
Tearjerker- Korn

How is your life going?
One Who Feeds- Genitortures

What is your nickname?
Hellbound 17 1/2- Primus

What is your theme song?
Get Your Gunn- Marilyn Manson ha ha ha

What is your best friend's theme song?
Politics- Korn

How is your life going to turn out?
The Bright Young Things- Marilyn Manson

Will you get married?
Great Big White World- Marilyn Manson hmmmm we've lost variety here

Will you have kids?
Selfish Man- Flogging Molly

What will your job be?
Did my Time- Korn

Did you/will you finish school?
Clown- Korn

Who is your best friend?
Lullaby- Perfect Circle

Who is or will be your significant other?
Viginti Tres- Tool

Who do you like?
Hidden Track- Korn ha ha ha

How will you die?
Ossuary- Sleepy Time Gorilla Museum

How do you feel right now?
Johnny- Unknown Artist whooo

What is your favorite song?
Flesh is the Law- Genitortures

How could you describe your parents?
Peep Hole- System of a Down

Your best friend[s]?
All the Way Down- Volatiare

Your significant other [or crush...]?
The Black Art of Deception- Goatwhore

Yourself?
Roullette- System of a Down

What is your best feature?
FC The Freedom Club- Sleepy Time Gorilla Museum

What will you be / should you be, profession-wise?
Long Hard Road Out of Hell- Marilyn Manson

What makes you angry?
Snakes- Volatire

What makes you sad?
Falling Away From Me- Korn

What makes you happy?
Needles- System of a Down

What makes you dance?
No Way- Korn....now that is appropriate!

What is your favorite color?
Wrong Radio Noise- Marilyn Manson 

How would you describe yourself?
Caught a Light Sneeze- Volatire

Who is your worst enemy?
Alone I Break- Korn

Who do you hate?
Aerials- System of a Down

Who do you love?
Trash- Korn...ok I don't even think I own this much Korn WTF????

Who do you lust after?
House of Shame- Genitortures...how true

Finish the Sentece

I wish...
Tainted Love- Marilyn Manson

I want to...
Reflection- Tool

I want to kill...
Reality Check- Genitortures

I want to eat...
See you in Hell- Voltaire

My head...
Gently- Slipknot

I am...
Mr. Rogers- Korn

My best feature is...
The War Inside- Mushroomhead

My eyes are...
What Do You Think- Anti-Flag

My hair is...
Dinner with Deloris- Prince

My face is...
Invincible- Static X

You should...
Rope- Pig

Random

Words of advice
Somebody's Somebody- Prince

How do others see me?
Another Voice- Agnostic Front

How do I see myself?
Fight til Death- Slayer]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/76149/#comments 8 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/76149 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/76149 Mon, 25 Aug 2008 06:19:48 GMT Its good to be back!!! http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/76085 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); "><span style="font-size: larger; "><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; ">&nbsp;Damn have I missed this place! Took me a while to find the money to reactivate my account, but here I am! My goal is to have a set in before my 90 days are up! :) Got my own professional camera now...so I'm gonna give it a shot myself. I did major in photography once upon a time....does that mean I can take pictures of myself with a digital camera??? Suppose we'll find out! :) ha ha<br /> So....not much has changed in my little world. I moved into town. Mom came to visit. Was suppose to have surgery last week....chickened out....gonna try some meds first. On a job hunt...nothing yet....still trudging through the last throes of my schooling...looking at law schools....hmmm<br /> yeah...my ex landlords are stalking me....fun fun!</span></span></span> <div><span style="color: rgb(128, 0, 128); "><span style="font-size: larger; "><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; ">Was initiated into the Eastern Star last week....absolutely fascinating....<br /> damn its hard to try and explain a few months in as few words as possible!&nbsp;<br /> I've been writing letters like mad...to make up for lost time...so be expecting some.&nbsp;<br /> I'VE MISSED YOU GUYS soooo much!<br /> Hope to hear how you are all doing soon!</span></span></span></div> <p><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 102); "><span style="font-size: larger; "><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; ">Much love!<br /> XXX</span></span></span></p> Blog yes  Damn have I missed this place! Took me a while to find the money to reactivate my account, but here I am! My goal is to have a set in before my 90 days are up! :) Got my own professional camera now...so I'm gonna give it a shot myself. I did major in photography once upon a time....does that mean I can take pictures of myself with a digital camera??? Suppose we'll find out! :) ha ha
So....not much has changed in my little world. I moved into town. Mom came to visit. Was suppose to have surgery last week....chickened out....gonna try some meds first. On a job hunt...nothing yet....still trudging through the last throes of my schooling...looking at law schools....hmmm
yeah...my ex landlords are stalking me....fun fun!
Was initiated into the Eastern Star last week....absolutely fascinating....
damn its hard to try and explain a few months in as few words as possible! 
I've been writing letters like mad...to make up for lost time...so be expecting some. 
I'VE MISSED YOU GUYS soooo much!
Hope to hear how you are all doing soon!

Much love!
XXX

]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/76085/#comments 30 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/76085 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/76085 Sun, 24 Aug 2008 06:44:16 GMT Not Quite Dead Just Yet http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/69853 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <span style="color: #666699"><span style="font-family: Courier New">So, yes...I have been a terrible terrible DN person. Real life has been getting in the way as of late...where did I leave off? Ahhhh yes...so my trip to Minneapolis was a bust. I made it there, after many a trial and tribulation. Mr. White was sick so K took me...less drama that way anyhow I suppose. We made it there late Thursday night and met jalexander at some club in NorthEast for a show....the band was alright...I was tired and anxious, but it is so lovely to be in the real world with real people! Always a nice breath of fresh air...or polluted air...that I miss so dearly! I got up at like 8 Friday morning...and was out the door five minutes later. Drove around the jail trying to find a fucking parking spot...UGH! Ended up in a lot like 6 blocks away and had to run in grown up girl shoes! :( Made it into the jail after finding many locked doors. Ran through the chalky green maze of the old jail and finally made it to some fat, old, white guy who told me that if I wasn't a cop I wasn't getting in! Motherfucker! So yeah....I didn't even make it in! I did end up having a lovely time....after I gave up on pouting. I got a new uber neat vibrator out of the deal and some comic books and you can't go wrong with that! Then jalexander put K on I on bikes and dragged us out to the art a whirl...which was lovely. You should have seen us try to ride bikes....I haven't been on one in a few years! I am sure that it was amusing to watch. :) But look look I really did go! <br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/127016/" /><br /> <br /> There really isn't a whole lot that has been going on....well....there's been a lot I suppose...but nothing good really. My anxiety has been getting worse and worse....I've had to leave work several times. I am terrified that I will end up locked in my house for a year again....but am doing my damndest to not fall that far back...I'm on&nbsp;a health kick lately (or more than usual I suppose)<br /> I went and got a bike...and have been riding everday...thank you for the inspiration JeremY! <br /> Have been trying to eat more often, but it tends to cause panic attacks UGH! <br /> I would do just about anything for a break from school right now....I figured it out the other day I have not had a break in two years and three months!<br /> Mr White has been in the hospital since Tuesday.....(psyche ward) which is good....but makes life here a bit more taxing....thankfully K is always lovely and supportive. I am hoping that R's vacation makes things a bit less stressful when he gets out....will probably be a few more days....<br /> My Grandmother's funeral was yesterday. I shouldn't have sat in the front row....as soon as it started I thought I was gonna pass the fuck out so I had to run to the back row...how humiliating! She was a Grand Matron of the Eastern Star so they did a ceremony...it was interesting. I am looking into joining....I have been fascinated with all that since I was little, and I want to know the truth...not the conspiracies. <br /> I have a root canal tomorrow...ick! But I am actually looking forward to it....because for the last few months my front tooth has been cracked down the middle....I can't wait to be able to open my mouth in public again! :) <br /> I spent today mowing the lawn...still not done.....my yard is too damn big! Can't wait to move back to the city! I planted the lillies from the funeral in my yard....thought the rebirth might be healthy. :) <br /> Then I cleaned for several hours....I am suppose to be doing homework right now...so I suppose I should be! :) <br /> Here are some pics of me from yesterday:<br /> <img height="336" width="448" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/127017/" /><br /> <br /> <img height="336" width="448" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/127018/" /><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> .....My uncle is an evil fat fuck...and when my Grandmother was put in the nursing home I had asked for 2 things...an old cedar trunk and her Eastern Star ring...so he took them...when I went to confront him he handed me her costume jewelry.&nbsp; So...for the funeral I dug out the costume jewelry just to prove to them...that some girls can look classy in costume jewelry! ha ha...I'm a spiteful bitch I know, but I looked damn good! ha ha ha<br /> I miss you all terribly and intend to be here more often...things should be calming down I think...*fingers crossed* <br /> I miss you! Again...ha ha ha!<br /> MUCH LOVE!!!!<br /> XXX</span><br /> </span> Blog yes So, yes...I have been a terrible terrible DN person. Real life has been getting in the way as of late...where did I leave off? Ahhhh yes...so my trip to Minneapolis was a bust. I made it there, after many a trial and tribulation. Mr. White was sick so K took me...less drama that way anyhow I suppose. We made it there late Thursday night and met jalexander at some club in NorthEast for a show....the band was alright...I was tired and anxious, but it is so lovely to be in the real world with real people! Always a nice breath of fresh air...or polluted air...that I miss so dearly! I got up at like 8 Friday morning...and was out the door five minutes later. Drove around the jail trying to find a fucking parking spot...UGH! Ended up in a lot like 6 blocks away and had to run in grown up girl shoes! :( Made it into the jail after finding many locked doors. Ran through the chalky green maze of the old jail and finally made it to some fat, old, white guy who told me that if I wasn't a cop I wasn't getting in! Motherfucker! So yeah....I didn't even make it in! I did end up having a lovely time....after I gave up on pouting. I got a new uber neat vibrator out of the deal and some comic books and you can't go wrong with that! Then jalexander put K on I on bikes and dragged us out to the art a whirl...which was lovely. You should have seen us try to ride bikes....I haven't been on one in a few years! I am sure that it was amusing to watch. :) But look look I really did go!


There really isn't a whole lot that has been going on....well....there's been a lot I suppose...but nothing good really. My anxiety has been getting worse and worse....I've had to leave work several times. I am terrified that I will end up locked in my house for a year again....but am doing my damndest to not fall that far back...I'm on a health kick lately (or more than usual I suppose)
I went and got a bike...and have been riding everday...thank you for the inspiration JeremY!
Have been trying to eat more often, but it tends to cause panic attacks UGH!
I would do just about anything for a break from school right now....I figured it out the other day I have not had a break in two years and three months!
Mr White has been in the hospital since Tuesday.....(psyche ward) which is good....but makes life here a bit more taxing....thankfully K is always lovely and supportive. I am hoping that R's vacation makes things a bit less stressful when he gets out....will probably be a few more days....
My Grandmother's funeral was yesterday. I shouldn't have sat in the front row....as soon as it started I thought I was gonna pass the fuck out so I had to run to the back row...how humiliating! She was a Grand Matron of the Eastern Star so they did a ceremony...it was interesting. I am looking into joining....I have been fascinated with all that since I was little, and I want to know the truth...not the conspiracies.
I have a root canal tomorrow...ick! But I am actually looking forward to it....because for the last few months my front tooth has been cracked down the middle....I can't wait to be able to open my mouth in public again! :)
I spent today mowing the lawn...still not done.....my yard is too damn big! Can't wait to move back to the city! I planted the lillies from the funeral in my yard....thought the rebirth might be healthy. :)
Then I cleaned for several hours....I am suppose to be doing homework right now...so I suppose I should be! :)
Here are some pics of me from yesterday:






.....My uncle is an evil fat fuck...and when my Grandmother was put in the nursing home I had asked for 2 things...an old cedar trunk and her Eastern Star ring...so he took them...when I went to confront him he handed me her costume jewelry.  So...for the funeral I dug out the costume jewelry just to prove to them...that some girls can look classy in costume jewelry! ha ha...I'm a spiteful bitch I know, but I looked damn good! ha ha ha
I miss you all terribly and intend to be here more often...things should be calming down I think...*fingers crossed*
I miss you! Again...ha ha ha!
MUCH LOVE!!!!
XXX
]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/69853/#comments 8 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/69853 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/69853 Mon, 02 Jun 2008 05:40:50 GMT Innocence Lost http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/68429 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <br /> <span style="color: #003366"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><img height="330" width="448" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/122215/" /><br /> My Grandma Jimmy and I.....<br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003366"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/122216/" /><br /> Grandma S. My Step-mother, My Step-sister, and Me...(at 100 pounds Thanksgiving 2006)...phobia induced anorexia is lovely! :)<br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003366"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><img height="306" width="448" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/122218/" /><br /> Me and Adam....at about 15...before life...and prison...and damn that's a bad picture of me! :)<br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003366"><span style="font-family: Courier New">So....I have been meaning to do this for a while....I have been contemplating the brokeness of my generation. My grandmother died last week....which really is for the best...I wish I had known her better though....and what is it with us? Why is everything so fucking broken? We're starving, eating out of dumpsters, selling our shit, working two jobs and trying to get an education that we will pay for for the rest of our lives...and even then...I have friends with degrees...that are waiting tables! We're on drugs to numb ourselves from the pain of life....or in prison...or dying....I can't tell you how many people that have od' in the last five years.....and here I sit....in the middle of nowhere....with my prescription numbness....unable to do enough.....how can I be the only person on someone's visiting list???? Someone I haven't been allowed to see in 12 years? How does life get to that point? And....I find this need to fix everything...knowing damn well that I can't. Its one of those days...months...years....and now I am at the point of being whiny! I've got cramps and should really be doing finals....but can't seem to focus on a damn thing...I mean really...at this very moment evaluation research and policy analysis seems so inconsequential right now. <br /> Its so quiet out here.....Mr. White passes out early...cause he works in the morning....and the silence can become overwhelming at times....This rant made so much more sense in my head...and now I've completely lost my train of thought. :) <br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003366"><span style="font-family: Courier New">My advisor just told me that my graduation date is Nov. 2009! It was suppose to be this December! She had better lay off the crack! She was trying to tell me that if I double up I can finish by next NEXT June! .....ha! .....apparently life is just pissing me off right now...:( I'll stop bitching! :)<br /> So....I am going out to Minneapolis this weekend...Adam's court date has been changed, but I figured since we all took the day off I could go out and visit....so...yay for no work on the weekend...and finals will be done by Thursday...but my next class starts on Thursday....gotta love them five minute breaks! :)<br /> Alright...back to work! <br /> Much Love<br /> XXX</span></span> Blog yes
My Grandma Jimmy and I.....

Grandma S. My Step-mother, My Step-sister, and Me...(at 100 pounds Thanksgiving 2006)...phobia induced anorexia is lovely! :)

Me and Adam....at about 15...before life...and prison...and damn that's a bad picture of me! :)
So....I have been meaning to do this for a while....I have been contemplating the brokeness of my generation. My grandmother died last week....which really is for the best...I wish I had known her better though....and what is it with us? Why is everything so fucking broken? We're starving, eating out of dumpsters, selling our shit, working two jobs and trying to get an education that we will pay for for the rest of our lives...and even then...I have friends with degrees...that are waiting tables! We're on drugs to numb ourselves from the pain of life....or in prison...or dying....I can't tell you how many people that have od' in the last five years.....and here I sit....in the middle of nowhere....with my prescription numbness....unable to do enough.....how can I be the only person on someone's visiting list???? Someone I haven't been allowed to see in 12 years? How does life get to that point? And....I find this need to fix everything...knowing damn well that I can't. Its one of those days...months...years....and now I am at the point of being whiny! I've got cramps and should really be doing finals....but can't seem to focus on a damn thing...I mean really...at this very moment evaluation research and policy analysis seems so inconsequential right now.
Its so quiet out here.....Mr. White passes out early...cause he works in the morning....and the silence can become overwhelming at times....This rant made so much more sense in my head...and now I've completely lost my train of thought. :)
My advisor just told me that my graduation date is Nov. 2009! It was suppose to be this December! She had better lay off the crack! She was trying to tell me that if I double up I can finish by next NEXT June! .....ha! .....apparently life is just pissing me off right now...:( I'll stop bitching! :)
So....I am going out to Minneapolis this weekend...Adam's court date has been changed, but I figured since we all took the day off I could go out and visit....so...yay for no work on the weekend...and finals will be done by Thursday...but my next class starts on Thursday....gotta love them five minute breaks! :)
Alright...back to work!
Much Love
XXX]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/68429/#comments 33 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/68429 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/68429 Wed, 14 May 2008 06:37:50 GMT Eh...... http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/68349 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus So....I finally got caught up with everything this weekend...on here I mean...and I was gonna update my journal, but somehow it escaped me.....and now I just need to lay down before my head hits the keyboard! ha ha ha!<br /> So,,here is my lame update that I will attempt to do more adequately tomorrow....fuck finals!:)<br /> And thanks to everyone for the support and the letters! You are awesome!<br /> Much Love!<br /> XXX<br /> Blog yes So,,here is my lame update that I will attempt to do more adequately tomorrow....fuck finals!:)
And thanks to everyone for the support and the letters! You are awesome!
Much Love!
XXX
]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/68349/#comments 15 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/68349 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/68349 Tue, 13 May 2008 05:08:11 GMT Thank You http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/67553 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <span style="color: #003366"><span style="font-size: larger"><span style="font-family: Courier New">Hey all...I just wanted to thank everyone for all the support. I really don't know what I would do without you guys. I wasn't able to get a ride to Minneapolis today, but have been watching what is going on through the court documents. Today he was formally charged...it appears as if the woman he was picked up with has rolled on him....she must have taken some sort of deal...this is not good. His next appearence is on the 16th...so I am trying to find a way out there. Right now my only contact is the mail...until I can get my information to him. I was thinking that I'm gonna try and get as many people as possible to write him...at the very least a card that says, &quot;You are not alone&quot;. He really has no one right now...that I am aware of. I can't even imagine what he is going through. Yes, I have a bad habbit of trying to save everyone, but every little bit counts...so I sit here and beg...anyone wanna help? You could mail me a postcard or a letter or I can give you his address. It would mean the world to me....I have known enough people who have been locked up and just knowing that someone is out there that cares means the world. <br /> Hmm....<br /> alright...well, I have three papers to write tonight! UGH!<br /> THANK YOU for everything<br /> you guys mean so much to me! <br /> Much Love!<br /> XXX</span></span></span> Blog yes Hey all...I just wanted to thank everyone for all the support. I really don't know what I would do without you guys. I wasn't able to get a ride to Minneapolis today, but have been watching what is going on through the court documents. Today he was formally charged...it appears as if the woman he was picked up with has rolled on him....she must have taken some sort of deal...this is not good. His next appearence is on the 16th...so I am trying to find a way out there. Right now my only contact is the mail...until I can get my information to him. I was thinking that I'm gonna try and get as many people as possible to write him...at the very least a card that says, "You are not alone". He really has no one right now...that I am aware of. I can't even imagine what he is going through. Yes, I have a bad habbit of trying to save everyone, but every little bit counts...so I sit here and beg...anyone wanna help? You could mail me a postcard or a letter or I can give you his address. It would mean the world to me....I have known enough people who have been locked up and just knowing that someone is out there that cares means the world.
Hmm....
alright...well, I have three papers to write tonight! UGH!
THANK YOU for everything
you guys mean so much to me!
Much Love!
XXX]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/67553/#comments 17 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/67553 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/67553 Fri, 02 May 2008 00:28:15 GMT One of those days http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/67425 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <span style="color: #800000"><span style=""><span style="font-family: Courier New">Well, its one of those days I think I should have stayed in bed...<br /> I got up to go into town with my dad to see my grandmother who was taken off of dialysis yesterday...<br /> She had no idea who I was...<br /> She kept repeating, &quot;I don't live here....when do I get to go home&quot;...<br /> and the answer was inevitably...in about a week.<br /> There are two cats that live in nursing home and apparently both of them have taken to following her around and sleeping on her bed.....cats know things I guess. <br /> <br /> Then I decided to look for a job with K for a while...which was pleasant until my mother called to tell me:</span></span></span><span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> <br /> </span></span><span style="color: #000000"><span style=""><a href="http://wcco.com/crime/river.death.arrests.2.710864.html"><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: Courier New">wcco.com/crime/river.death.arrests.2.710864.html</span></span></a></span></span><span style="color: #000000"><span style=""><span style=""><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> <br /> </span></span></span></span><span style="color: #000000"><span style=""><a href="http://kstp.com/article/stories/S425068.shtml"><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: Courier New">kstp.com/article/stories/S425068.shtml</span></span></a></span></span><span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> <br /> </span><span style="color: #800000"><span style="font-family: Courier New">um yeah...Adam...is an ex of mine who is also now my step-second-cousin....<br /> whooo<br /> I think I am going to go on a cleaning rampage....homework can be late tonight...<br /> <br /> Much Love...<br /> XXX</span></span></span><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Blog yes Well, its one of those days I think I should have stayed in bed...
I got up to go into town with my dad to see my grandmother who was taken off of dialysis yesterday...
She had no idea who I was...
She kept repeating, "I don't live here....when do I get to go home"...
and the answer was inevitably...in about a week.
There are two cats that live in nursing home and apparently both of them have taken to following her around and sleeping on her bed.....cats know things I guess.

Then I decided to look for a job with K for a while...which was pleasant until my mother called to tell me:

wcco.com/crime/river.death.arrests.2.710864.html

kstp.com/article/stories/S425068.shtml

um yeah...Adam...is an ex of mine who is also now my step-second-cousin....
whooo
I think I am going to go on a cleaning rampage....homework can be late tonight...

Much Love...
XXX



]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/67425/#comments 26 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/67425 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/67425 Wed, 30 Apr 2008 04:35:22 GMT No Subject http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/67093 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <span style="color: #000080"><span style="font-family: Courier New">Damn...there is so much to rant about this evening! :) Well, as most of you know I spent last weekend with the absolutely fabulous <a class="member" href="http://deviantnation.com/members/scarslikelace" rel="tag">Scarslikelace</a>! It was awesome...I can't even begin to explain how nice it was to be in civilization again! Not to mention with such lovely people. Its hard being totally isolate out here...I've always been a social person...kind of..ha ha...I can't stand most people, but we are of the same species and all :) You gotta have a few good ones around. I missed the actual wedding...Mr. White turned the alarm clock off....grrr...he shall never live that down! :) <br /> We did make it there for some drinks on the lake...which was lovely, aside from the &quot;weird guy&quot;...no one has any idea where he came from....but fuck he bikes all over the world...so yeah...he tried to share a cigarrette with me...which is usually an alright proposition...but his cooties scared me! <img height="27" width="27" contenteditable="inherit" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/i/emoticons/brain_slug.gif" /><br /> I can't wait to go back SOON! <br /> Here's some pics from the trip.....</span></span><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> <span style="color: #333300"><img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/119711/" /><br /> An absolutely beautiful evening! </span><br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/119712/" /><br /> <span style="color: #993300">I found this on the sidewalk outside of her house and it made me giggle. </span><br /> <br /> <img height="336" width="448" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/119714/" /><br /> <span style="color: #333399">We had to call to say we were stuck behind a house...and it was fucking true! ha ha ha!</span><br /> <br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/119715/" /><br /> <span style="color: #333399">The lovely <a class="member" href="http://deviantnation.com/members/scarslikelace" rel="tag">Scarslikelace</a>...I totally had to fuck this one up in photoshop...she was lovely as always, but you could tell I had slept like 4 hours in the last 3 days! :)<br /> </span><br /> </span><hr /> <span style="color: #333300"><span style="font-family: Courier New">Hmm...what else? Well, I took the rest of this week off of work and next week...phew! They are taking my grandmother off of dialysis tomorrow...she should be in a coma within 4 days and dead in apporximately 4. Its just too much with school, work, and the household drama at the moment. We have never been close...I think that is why it is bothering me...she is the last grandparent I've got...its a strange sensation...I think I deal with death in a strange manner...mostly I don't. I've been moving nearly constantly for the last ten years so its always just so surreal...every time someone dies well, I haven't seen them for a while anyway and they are far away and I don't really notice until I am writing x-mas cards of something of the sort....I think my dad might need me around...but in the last 27 years I still haven't figured out how to interact with him appropriately! :) <br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #333399"><span style=""><span style="font-family: Courier New">I am still working on my Harvard essay...I have some time...I am just so stuck..I don't know which direction to go in...the last thing I intend to do is write some professional kiss ass thing...its not me. ..I wrote the damn thing last week sometime, but don't wanna look at it....too frustrating...ugh.<br /> My classes are totally kicking my ass...this research class is all about statistics and fuck...yeah...I wouldn't have passes statistics if K hadn't done half my homework...math and I do not get along.&nbsp; I finally picked my car up last night...whoot! Can't really drive it yet...the back shock is hanging on by a screw, but my lovely landlord man is going to fix it for me....I took it out and cleaned it this morning...to&nbsp;find that the asshole who&nbsp;had it before me puked on&nbsp;the passenger seat and dumped kitty litter on it...wasn't too gross until I looked in the crack...I have a vomit phobia..yes, really (deathly terrified) so this was in interesting experience! Then I covered it in stickers that I have been collecting...its all DN....got stickers from <a class="member" href="http://deviantnation.com/members/abadinfluence" rel="tag">Abadinfluence</a> and <a class="member" href="http://deviantnation.com/members/starla" rel="tag">Starla</a>...and a ducky key thingy from <a class="member" href="http://deviantnation.com/members/nessie" rel="tag">Nessie</a>....ha ha ha...it totally looks like some teenagers first car! This amuses me. Hmm...lots of drama around here...but not gonna expound upon it too much...all I know is I need a fucking nap! :) </span></span></span><span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style=""><span style="font-family: Courier New">Its suppose to snow this weekend! :( But! It was fucking beautiful on Tuesday and K and I spent the day at my beach...I will miss that place when I move to town. There is this lake about a mile from my house and no one is ever there....I go and throw the dogs in and lay around....I am hoping that there is more sun soon...I am seriously vitamin D deficient. So, one more picture from the lake the other day...got a little carried away with the photoshop....I think its an excuse to not do my homework! :) <br /> I've missed&nbsp; you guys! <br /> Much Love! <br /> XXX</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/119716/" /><br /> </span><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: Courier New">Ps...if you were wondering...my set was shot down....I'll pout for a while....but what the hell....will go shoot again soon. :) </span></span> Blog yes Damn...there is so much to rant about this evening! :) Well, as most of you know I spent last weekend with the absolutely fabulous ! It was awesome...I can't even begin to explain how nice it was to be in civilization again! Not to mention with such lovely people. Its hard being totally isolate out here...I've always been a social person...kind of..ha ha...I can't stand most people, but we are of the same species and all :) You gotta have a few good ones around. I missed the actual wedding...Mr. White turned the alarm clock off....grrr...he shall never live that down! :)
We did make it there for some drinks on the lake...which was lovely, aside from the "weird guy"...no one has any idea where he came from....but fuck he bikes all over the world...so yeah...he tried to share a cigarrette with me...which is usually an alright proposition...but his cooties scared me!
I can't wait to go back SOON!
Here's some pics from the trip.....

An absolutely beautiful evening!

I found this on the sidewalk outside of her house and it made me giggle.


We had to call to say we were stuck behind a house...and it was fucking true! ha ha ha!


The lovely ...I totally had to fuck this one up in photoshop...she was lovely as always, but you could tell I had slept like 4 hours in the last 3 days! :)

Hmm...what else? Well, I took the rest of this week off of work and next week...phew! They are taking my grandmother off of dialysis tomorrow...she should be in a coma within 4 days and dead in apporximately 4. Its just too much with school, work, and the household drama at the moment. We have never been close...I think that is why it is bothering me...she is the last grandparent I've got...its a strange sensation...I think I deal with death in a strange manner...mostly I don't. I've been moving nearly constantly for the last ten years so its always just so surreal...every time someone dies well, I haven't seen them for a while anyway and they are far away and I don't really notice until I am writing x-mas cards of something of the sort....I think my dad might need me around...but in the last 27 years I still haven't figured out how to interact with him appropriately! :)
I am still working on my Harvard essay...I have some time...I am just so stuck..I don't know which direction to go in...the last thing I intend to do is write some professional kiss ass thing...its not me. ..I wrote the damn thing last week sometime, but don't wanna look at it....too frustrating...ugh.
My classes are totally kicking my ass...this research class is all about statistics and fuck...yeah...I wouldn't have passes statistics if K hadn't done half my homework...math and I do not get along.  I finally picked my car up last night...whoot! Can't really drive it yet...the back shock is hanging on by a screw, but my lovely landlord man is going to fix it for me....I took it out and cleaned it this morning...to find that the asshole who had it before me puked on the passenger seat and dumped kitty litter on it...wasn't too gross until I looked in the crack...I have a vomit phobia..yes, really (deathly terrified) so this was in interesting experience! Then I covered it in stickers that I have been collecting...its all DN....got stickers from and ...and a ducky key thingy from ....ha ha ha...it totally looks like some teenagers first car! This amuses me. Hmm...lots of drama around here...but not gonna expound upon it too much...all I know is I need a fucking nap! :)
Its suppose to snow this weekend! :( But! It was fucking beautiful on Tuesday and K and I spent the day at my beach...I will miss that place when I move to town. There is this lake about a mile from my house and no one is ever there....I go and throw the dogs in and lay around....I am hoping that there is more sun soon...I am seriously vitamin D deficient. So, one more picture from the lake the other day...got a little carried away with the photoshop....I think its an excuse to not do my homework! :)
I've missed  you guys!
Much Love!
XXX

Ps...if you were wondering...my set was shot down....I'll pout for a while....but what the hell....will go shoot again soon. :) ]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/67093/#comments 25 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/67093 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/67093 Fri, 25 Apr 2008 23:37:35 GMT Tired...oh so tired http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/66568 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <span style="color: #003366"><span style="font-family: Courier New">So, yes...its 4 am....just turned in paper number one and about to try and finish paper number two. I think I need a vacation. I should be in Madison already, but Mr. White was delayed at work for 6 hours! yay...I will be heading there first thing in the morning...for lovely <a class="member" href="http://deviantnation.com/members/scarslikelace's" rel="tag">scarslikelace's </a>wedding...<br /> I can't even put into words how exciting it is to know that I will have &quot;normal&quot; human contact for a moment...the desolation out here has begun to show! I should really be working on this damn paper...fuck criminal justice research ethics! ha ha...yeah....I can't even think straight anymore....<br /> I shouldn't be writing this ....I can hear the words in my head begining to slur together...:)<br /> Figured I should get something with less substance up here before too long! Have a lovely evening...Will be back &quot;home&quot; probably late Sunday&nbsp; night...unless I decide to run away!<br /> XXX</span></span> Blog yes So, yes...its 4 am....just turned in paper number one and about to try and finish paper number two. I think I need a vacation. I should be in Madison already, but Mr. White was delayed at work for 6 hours! yay...I will be heading there first thing in the morning...for lovely wedding...
I can't even put into words how exciting it is to know that I will have "normal" human contact for a moment...the desolation out here has begun to show! I should really be working on this damn paper...fuck criminal justice research ethics! ha ha...yeah....I can't even think straight anymore....
I shouldn't be writing this ....I can hear the words in my head begining to slur together...:)
Figured I should get something with less substance up here before too long! Have a lovely evening...Will be back "home" probably late Sunday  night...unless I decide to run away!
XXX]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/66568/#comments 14 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/66568 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/66568 Sat, 19 Apr 2008 09:02:25 GMT Complexity Theory http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/66079 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <span style="color: #003300"><span><span style="font-family: Courier New">I came across this while writing a paper...and for some reason it appeals to me....what do you think? <br /> XXX</span></span></span><span style="color: #339966"><span><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> <hr /> <br /> <br /> </span><span style="color: #003366"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> &quot;Complexity theory is a meta-theory that claims relevance to all realms of science. To avoid entrapment in the narrow choices posed by realist and idealist paradigms, scholars of international relations can fruitfully apply the basic concepts of complexity theory to analysis of global interdependence. This essay illustrates the utility of complexity theory and the blind spots of the various realisms and idealisms by examining how they do or do not shed light on major issues of world politics. The review suggests that the aspiring meta-theory provides a more useful paradigm for international studies than any current alternative.&quot;<br /> <br /> <hr /> </span></span></span></span> Blog yes I came across this while writing a paper...and for some reason it appeals to me....what do you think?
XXX



"Complexity theory is a meta-theory that claims relevance to all realms of science. To avoid entrapment in the narrow choices posed by realist and idealist paradigms, scholars of international relations can fruitfully apply the basic concepts of complexity theory to analysis of global interdependence. This essay illustrates the utility of complexity theory and the blind spots of the various realisms and idealisms by examining how they do or do not shed light on major issues of world politics. The review suggests that the aspiring meta-theory provides a more useful paradigm for international studies than any current alternative."

]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/66079/#comments 27 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/66079 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/66079 Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:40:39 GMT Pseudo Upper Crust http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/65538 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <hr /> <span style="font-family: Courier New"><span style="color: #003300">So...last night Mr. White and I volunteered for the high society Marshfield &quot;Food for Thought&quot;. Its a silent auction/food/alcohol thing at the University. I was to bartend and I think he was a barback...at least that's what they called him....he ran around a bit and sat his ass behind my bar. :) <br /> Its all K's fault....for volunteering me and then &quot;getting called into work&quot;...grrr...<br /> I actually thought it might be a bit fun....hmmmm<br /> I didn't realize that the little shit redneck town of Marshfield had its own breed of pseudo society people. I ended up having two of them bartending with me....,Now, I could have tended this entire event on my own...but okay...we have some more volunteers....they show up after I have set everything up...and they are hmm..in their sixties...he owns some sort of architecture company and she is a real estate agent.....they both asked me if I was a student there....I said no...I am a student...but not here...&quot;Oh and what are you studying?&quot;<br /> &quot;Well, I am finishing up my bachelors in criminology and applying to Harvard&quot;<br /> Then ensues the blank stare and silence....that always follows that sentence. Is it really THAT perplexing that I may possibly have a brain in my tiny little head?<br /> Apparently!<br /> Hmm...so a bunch of other asshole, yuppie, fuckers bought overly priced cheap wine from me. <br /> Several of them left me tips....and Mrs. Real estate bitch informed me that <i>THEY</i> always donated <i>THEIR</i> tips....fucking good for you .....I called off from my $6.75/hour job to be here...<i>EAT SHIT</i>!<br /> Then they told us that we should go wander around and &quot;shop&quot;....<br /> I ran straight for the parking lot for a smoke!<br /> Came right back in.....<br /> They said they would make the rounds and come right back...<br /> three hours later after I had broke the whole bar down....(and pocketed my tips:) <br /> They feined politeness and told us how wonderful it was that I was ambitious and that we would soon be taxpayers...I laughed and informed him that I have been paying taxes for ten years....<br /> then he told me he meant <i>REAL</i> taxes...<br /> too bad for him....I will take&nbsp;my law degree and work at a non-profit. <br /> I did send Mr. White on a food scavenger hunt....it was the first time I have had Indian food since I have been trapped here in the great white north....and by white...I mean white people. <br /> I get so excited to see anyone who is not white bread, biggotted, arrogant, fucks.<br /> Who me...bitter? :) Oh, but there were lots of sweets and free coffee! :)</span><br /> </span><hr /> <span style="color: #000080"><span style="font-family: Courier New">So, the evening decided to get even better. K had offered to take me for a &quot;drink&quot;...(I don't drink, but the only thing to do socially around here after 9 is go for a drink) Mr. White decided that he would come along...thinking this would be fun....but since when the two of them are in the same room you can cut the disdain with a butter knife....it was quite unpleasant....I got a migraine and eventually whipped my purse at the Jeep.....we all deserve a moment of psychosis every now and then right?<br /> </span></span><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> </span><hr /> <span style="color: #800000"><span style="font-family: Courier New">I went to work this morning....only for them to tell me I am not on the schedule....well, yes...I AM.....<br /> &quot;Well..you're not on this schedule&quot; The one behind the counter...apparently all the claims are caught up....I think I will be doing collections for the rest of the week. I tried to let them know that I live an hour away....and they apologized....they could have offered me $40 for gas! So, I will know not to drive in without checking three times that they need me....I think this means that my seasonal job is coming to an end...it was meant to only be for the holidays, but I busted ass...and I guess corporate whores appreciate that.....for a while anyway...and DON'T mention that you would like to be paid more than a high school student...Its humiliating...I made more at my first job in high school! I am looking forward to not being there anymore...its starting to make me bitter...but being useless isn't much fun either....Mr. White starts his fancy job selling fancy cars tomorrow...which is wonderful...but I don't find myself sitting here and being supported....its not my nature....but I should focus on school...damn the droll inner turmoil! <br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New">I attempted to make the best of my unexpected day off...I spent some money I didn't have....:) <br /> but not much of it....<br /> I wrote a few letters...ran a mile...washed my dogs...and have been uploading pics for 3 days now!<br /> I am submitting my set...and you just gotta love dial up....:) Each pic takes about 30 mins...so I have to keep a constant eye on the screen from across the room so I can run and drop and drag another...<br /> Alright...I have ranted enough for 6 entries here....<br /> Here's a few pics of us pretending to be grown ups last night. <br /> XXX</span><br /> </span><br /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/116807/" /><br /> Me...I died some of my hair black earlier in the week...its a hazard when I die other people's hair...I had to cut and die K's hair a few days ago...and had to cut Mr. White's tonight... I think I should start charging...gonna shave Stich (Puggy) in a minute! <br /> <br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> <br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/116815/" /><br /> Wow...make-up and a white shirt! Hell must be frozen over!<br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/116817/" /><br /> This one is just hilarious to me...Mr.White looks like a cop and I look like a hooker...<br /> in actuality I'm the law student and he's the felon! ha ha ha ha!<br /> XXX</span></span> Blog yes So...last night Mr. White and I volunteered for the high society Marshfield "Food for Thought". Its a silent auction/food/alcohol thing at the University. I was to bartend and I think he was a barback...at least that's what they called him....he ran around a bit and sat his ass behind my bar. :)
Its all K's fault....for volunteering me and then "getting called into work"...grrr...
I actually thought it might be a bit fun....hmmmm
I didn't realize that the little shit redneck town of Marshfield had its own breed of pseudo society people. I ended up having two of them bartending with me....,Now, I could have tended this entire event on my own...but okay...we have some more volunteers....they show up after I have set everything up...and they are hmm..in their sixties...he owns some sort of architecture company and she is a real estate agent.....they both asked me if I was a student there....I said no...I am a student...but not here..."Oh and what are you studying?"
"Well, I am finishing up my bachelors in criminology and applying to Harvard"
Then ensues the blank stare and silence....that always follows that sentence. Is it really THAT perplexing that I may possibly have a brain in my tiny little head?
Apparently!
Hmm...so a bunch of other asshole, yuppie, fuckers bought overly priced cheap wine from me.
Several of them left me tips....and Mrs. Real estate bitch informed me that THEY always donated THEIR tips....fucking good for you .....I called off from my $6.75/hour job to be here...EAT SHIT!
Then they told us that we should go wander around and "shop"....
I ran straight for the parking lot for a smoke!
Came right back in.....
They said they would make the rounds and come right back...
three hours later after I had broke the whole bar down....(and pocketed my tips:)
They feined politeness and told us how wonderful it was that I was ambitious and that we would soon be taxpayers...I laughed and informed him that I have been paying taxes for ten years....
then he told me he meant REAL taxes...
too bad for him....I will take my law degree and work at a non-profit.
I did send Mr. White on a food scavenger hunt....it was the first time I have had Indian food since I have been trapped here in the great white north....and by white...I mean white people.
I get so excited to see anyone who is not white bread, biggotted, arrogant, fucks.
Who me...bitter? :) Oh, but there were lots of sweets and free coffee! :)
So, the evening decided to get even better. K had offered to take me for a "drink"...(I don't drink, but the only thing to do socially around here after 9 is go for a drink) Mr. White decided that he would come along...thinking this would be fun....but since when the two of them are in the same room you can cut the disdain with a butter knife....it was quite unpleasant....I got a migraine and eventually whipped my purse at the Jeep.....we all deserve a moment of psychosis every now and then right?

I went to work this morning....only for them to tell me I am not on the schedule....well, yes...I AM.....
"Well..you're not on this schedule" The one behind the counter...apparently all the claims are caught up....I think I will be doing collections for the rest of the week. I tried to let them know that I live an hour away....and they apologized....they could have offered me $40 for gas! So, I will know not to drive in without checking three times that they need me....I think this means that my seasonal job is coming to an end...it was meant to only be for the holidays, but I busted ass...and I guess corporate whores appreciate that.....for a while anyway...and DON'T mention that you would like to be paid more than a high school student...Its humiliating...I made more at my first job in high school! I am looking forward to not being there anymore...its starting to make me bitter...but being useless isn't much fun either....Mr. White starts his fancy job selling fancy cars tomorrow...which is wonderful...but I don't find myself sitting here and being supported....its not my nature....but I should focus on school...damn the droll inner turmoil!
I attempted to make the best of my unexpected day off...I spent some money I didn't have....:)
but not much of it....
I wrote a few letters...ran a mile...washed my dogs...and have been uploading pics for 3 days now!
I am submitting my set...and you just gotta love dial up....:) Each pic takes about 30 mins...so I have to keep a constant eye on the screen from across the room so I can run and drop and drag another...
Alright...I have ranted enough for 6 entries here....
Here's a few pics of us pretending to be grown ups last night.
XXX



Me...I died some of my hair black earlier in the week...its a hazard when I die other people's hair...I had to cut and die K's hair a few days ago...and had to cut Mr. White's tonight... I think I should start charging...gonna shave Stich (Puggy) in a minute!




Wow...make-up and a white shirt! Hell must be frozen over!


This one is just hilarious to me...Mr.White looks like a cop and I look like a hooker...
in actuality I'm the law student and he's the felon! ha ha ha ha!
XXX]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/65538/#comments 14 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/65538 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/65538 Mon, 07 Apr 2008 06:12:53 GMT Persephone http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/65167 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <span style="color: #008080"><span style=""><span style="font-family: Courier New">What happens when Sky gets a wild hair up her ass in the middle of the night?</span></span></span><br /> <img height="336" width="448" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/115400/" /><br /> <br /> <span style="color: #ff00ff"><span style="font-family: Courier New">Hmm....you wouldn't believe how akward this was! :)</span></span><br /> <br /> <img height="336" width="448" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/115401/" /><br /> <br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/115402/" /><br /> <span style="color: #008080">Tee hee! :)<br /> XXX</span> Blog yes What happens when Sky gets a wild hair up her ass in the middle of the night?


Hmm....you wouldn't believe how akward this was! :)




Tee hee! :)
XXX]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/65167/#comments 40 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/65167 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/65167 Wed, 02 Apr 2008 19:08:48 GMT ink and charcoal.... http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/65005 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <p><span style="font-family: Courier New"><span style="color: #003300">Its been snowing since I got up! Its fucking Aprilish! But I had to stay home from work...I tried to go in...I really did...it took me an hour to drive ten miles...and really they don't pay me enough for all that! :)<br /> <br /> Hmmm...I work too much....I don't sleep enough....hmmm<br /> <br /> I finished Mr. White's arm last night.....the outline was fucked, but I think I nearly fixed it....<br /> <br /> <img height="336" alt="" width="393" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/115222/" /><br /> <br /> That's about half-way through....<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/115225/" /><br /> <br /> All done! :)<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I have been drawing the last few days....I had to draw </span></span><a class="member" rel="tag" href="http://deviantnation.com/members/reajeanne"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><span style="color: #003300">Reajeanne</span></span></a><span style="font-family: Courier New"><span style="color: #003300">....for the pen-pal group....not sure I am satisfied with it, but it is uploaded in my pics somewhere..:) I haven't drawn in ages....<br /> <br /> I really haven't created anything in far too long....been in a depressed and too busy slump....that's no good...so I feel motivated now....I drew most of the day....yay for not being at work....<br /> <br /> I just finished up my class so I have a whole 8 days off before the next semester! WHOOO!<br /> <br /> This is K's collar bone....I think I might like it.....haven't fully made up my mind yet though,......:)<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/115233/" /><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Well, I am going to go have dinner and am thinking of tattooing myself...I&nbsp; miss getting work done...have spent the last 10 years on the other end of a needle! :(<br /> <br /> So....here's one last picture....Mr. White and I got all dressed up on Easter and went to eat Italian...<br /> <br /> you can put me in cashmere, but you still can't get me to behave at the dinner table! :)<br /> <br /> XXX<br /> <br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/115234/" /><br /> <br /> tee hee!</span></span></p> Blog yes Its been snowing since I got up! Its fucking Aprilish! But I had to stay home from work...I tried to go in...I really did...it took me an hour to drive ten miles...and really they don't pay me enough for all that! :)

Hmmm...I work too much....I don't sleep enough....hmmm

I finished Mr. White's arm last night.....the outline was fucked, but I think I nearly fixed it....



That's about half-way through....





All done! :)



I have been drawing the last few days....I had to draw ....for the pen-pal group....not sure I am satisfied with it, but it is uploaded in my pics somewhere..:) I haven't drawn in ages....

I really haven't created anything in far too long....been in a depressed and too busy slump....that's no good...so I feel motivated now....I drew most of the day....yay for not being at work....

I just finished up my class so I have a whole 8 days off before the next semester! WHOOO!

This is K's collar bone....I think I might like it.....haven't fully made up my mind yet though,......:)









Well, I am going to go have dinner and am thinking of tattooing myself...I  miss getting work done...have spent the last 10 years on the other end of a needle! :(

So....here's one last picture....Mr. White and I got all dressed up on Easter and went to eat Italian...

you can put me in cashmere, but you still can't get me to behave at the dinner table! :)

XXX



tee hee!

]]> LadyLazarus Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/65005/#comments 24 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/65005 http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/65005 Tue, 01 Apr 2008 04:44:36 GMT Harvard and Eggs http://deviantnation.com/members/LadyLazarus/64294 [Deviant Nation] LadyLazarus's Journal LadyLazarus <hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New">So, yes, I have been a terrible slacker! I got a &quot;promotion&quot; at work...I am now a claims specialist which means I sit on a computer (ipod in ears) and fill out paperwork. Its good that I no longer have to sit on the phone, but bad because I can not longer get homework done or write letters....it also means way more hours and I'm not sure it means that I get a&nbsp;raise or not....it better! *shakes fist*<br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New">Yesterday K took me shopping&nbsp;in Eau Claire....I had to call off work, but I did have a dentist appointment so I got a note! :) Its&nbsp;terrible that the only way to see someone lovely is to play hookie, but I&nbsp;must say it was worth it.&nbsp;An entire day of idleness and spending money&nbsp;on&nbsp;silly shit....I was in dire need of it to say the least.&nbsp;<br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New">For the last few months I have been considering law school....it was my&nbsp;intention when very young, but in the past decade it has become a joke that I&nbsp;would end up being a&nbsp;lawyer as a hobby...I would find myself doing only&nbsp;pro bono work for those&nbsp;I felt needed some help....but one of&nbsp;my recent professors said to me,&nbsp;&quot;In a perfect world, you would be going&nbsp;to law school and not the NYPD&quot;.....<br /> hmmm.....first I was just flattered....but I've been seriously contemplating this conecpt. I think&nbsp;he's right.&nbsp;Really, the last thing I ever planned&nbsp;to be was a cop.....I was hoping to get into criminology and&nbsp;that was&nbsp;a stepping stone....so...law school can be a better stone right? I applied to Harvard Law School this afternoon....well...I started the&nbsp;process...I am scheduled to take the LSAT on June&nbsp;16th....oh&nbsp;god...a test....I hope that's not my downfall...I get serious test anxiety....not going to worry about&nbsp;it now...damnit!&nbsp;<br /> I think&nbsp;I am feeling accomplished.&nbsp;<br /> I hope my parents jump&nbsp;on the bandwagon too, my mom sounded shocked and my dad made fun of me.&nbsp;whooo!<br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New">I haven't done anything for easter well.....since I was a kid, living with my mom....probably&nbsp;over 10 years....I miss holidays...so I decided to make Mexican Easter eggs for K's kids.&nbsp;It just took&nbsp;Mr. White and I the last 4 hours to do this.....if you&nbsp;don't know a Mexican Easter egg is emptied out and then filled with confetti&nbsp;and sealed with tissue paper. It is then meant to be smashed over&nbsp;a head! :)&nbsp;<br /> It was fun....and I&nbsp;won't have to&nbsp;be there to clean up the mess! ha ha ha!</span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New">&nbsp;Well, dinner is done...so I'll leave you with some pictures....<br /> <img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/114468/" /><br /> This is what ensues after an afternoon of applying to law school! :)<br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/114469/" /><br /> Boys don't dance! :(<br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/114470/" /><br /> Electric egg acid test! <br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><img height="448" width="336" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/114471/" /><br /> My violent easter eggs! <br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><img alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/114472/" /><br /> Kiss for </span></span><a class="member" href="http://deviantnation.com/members/delilah" rel="tag"><span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New">Delilah</span></span></a><span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New">!<br /> </span></span><hr /> <span style="color: #003300"><span style="font-family: Courier New"><img height="448" width="336" alt="" src="http://i.deviantnation.com/m/114473/" /><br /> One more for <a class="member" href="http://deviantnation.com/members/delilah" rel="tag">Delilah</a>!<br /> Have a lovely evening all....<br /> Much love <br /> </span><span style="color: #800000"><span style="font-family: Courier New">XXX</span></span></span> Blog yes So, yes, I have been a terrible slacker! I got a "promotion" at work...I am now a claims specialist which means I sit on a computer (ipod in ears) and fill out paperwork. Its good that I no longer have to sit on the phone, but bad because I can not longer get homework done or write letters....it also means way more hours and I'm not sure it means that I get a raise or not....it better! *shakes fist*
Yesterday K took me shopping in Eau Claire....I had to call off work, but I did have a dentist appointment so I got a note! :) Its terrible that the only way to see someone lovely is to play hookie, but I must say it was worth it. An entire day of idleness and spe