[Deviant Nation] Nanachan's Journal

So uh

Nanachan — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:51:14 GMT

Here I am at Nathans (we have one in one of our buildings on campus) having a super unhealthy lunch (fries with cheese as well as honey mustard) wastin time till I go to tutoring then piano lesson, then catch dinner, than go to work. I must say, i much prefer being busy rather than sitting around moping.

I managed to keep composure all of yesterday, which I guess is a good sign. Problem is, I am at the point in grieving where you don't WANT to take your mind off of it, cuz in the sick grieving mind, I feel like it would hurt him in some way if I weren't thinking about him even though I know he is dead and that is impossible. But I always believed that as long as someone is in your thoughts, in a sense they are alive. It's almost as if: if I keep thinking about him somehow he will come back. So if I stop thinking about him he isn't alive. Thats why I plan on getting that paw print tattoo I have wanted very very soon. I feel like I need it now. I can take it off my mind and put it on my skin.

Shit now Im welled up...

Not really sure what to do with myself, mentally that is. I feel like I have been putting too much pressure on Prince to be my emotional crutch, when he has his own issues to get a handle on. For the most part I like to be emotionally independent but I have moments where I just can't hold myself up. I guess we all get weak sometimes...especially when you lose someone dear to you. It was like a stab to the heart for me, especially since I wasn't expecting it. It's hard to come to peace when something happens that shouldn't have happened.

I remember when I was little and I saw the sun set for the first time, I thought the sun was dying and I started crying. My sister was trying to make me feel better by making the sun "talk" saying "I just have to go for a little while! You'll see my friend the moon in a minute" and I just kept saying "No! Don't go!" I was a crazy-ass emotional kid.

I forgot how hard it is to process the idea that someone is really gone forever. I mean, I think I have dealt with it better in the past because most other deaths were expected. All of my grandparents are still alive. My great grandparents are gone, but I was pretty young when they died and understood that when people get that old, they die eventually. But I think this is the first death in my life that happened prematurely (who was very close to me anyway.) I have had relatively close friends of the family die of cancer, and I also thought their death is exceedingly unfair cuz they were wonderful people.

I really don't think I could ever see Romeo's equal. he truly was the perfect cat for me. I imagined him living with me when I got my own apartment.

I'm so sorry for talking about this over and over I just really need to get it all off my chest. And since this was a major blow, it's going to take a while for me to stop talking about it...I'm sure you'll all be sick of hearing it if you aren't already.

meow

Nanachan — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:07:33 GMT

Photo from a photoshoot way back in the summer

At teh piano by ~DramaDork626 on deviant ART

ok

Nanachan — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:24:43 GMT

I'll stop being depressing for 2 seconds...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

No Subject

Nanachan — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 01:27:53 GMT

meh...

Nanachan — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 15:48:51 GMT

I just can't come to terms with it, you know?
Just a month ago I was sitting here wondering what to do with him when I move out...and now he's gone. It's just so unfair...that a piece of thread is what took him from me. I feel like I want to blame someone but there is no one to blame. The vet went above and beyond what any other vet would have done. Most would have just euthenized him, but they tried very hard to help him since he was so young. He was doing ok for a bit, but he was just so weak that he couldn't fight off infection. I dunno, when my mother said he was doing better than expected I thought to myself "That is good, that means he is going to be ok, and pretty soon he;ll be home." And I called my mothr last night expecting to hear when he could finally come home and then I hear "I'm afrai I have bad news, he didn't make it honey" and I just sat there for a moment in silence...not crying yet...just letting it sink in...then after a few moment s on the phone with my mother trying to reassure me, but knowing she really can't, gets me into tears. I trie to go over to Evans room, but he was busy filming something....and my roommate was napping, and I wasn;t really sure where to go, so I just locked myself in the bathroom and sat on the floor bawling my eyes out.
I could go on for hours about everything I loved about Romeo, but that would be pointless and just make me cry again, and I really really am tired of crying...my face is still irritated from last night.

heart broken...

Nanachan — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 22:55:45 GMT

Romeo is gone....

status update...

Nanachan — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 01:37:54 GMT

Romeo had surgery last night....apparently he had eaten a logn pierce of threat, which got tangled in his intestines and cut his bowels...it was pretty bad. The surgery took hours. My mother didn't call me last night cuz she didn't want to upset me, but they didn't think he'd last the night.
But he did, and they said he looks a lot better than he did last night, and that means there is a lot of hope.
I honestly had no idea the damage was that bad....they said Romeo must have been having the problem for a while just not showing symptoms...
They are keeping him for the week...I am just praying to god he doesn't get another infection...my mom says if he gets another infection, he is so weak right now that he may not be able to fight it off....
Please oh please don't let anything happen....I love him so much.

retarded...

Nanachan — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 21:22:39 GMT

Ok I might be crazy but...
This organization at my school is doing a famine to support the homeless. Basically its like a marathon. They get sponsored to....not eat....for 30 hours. Makes sense.
But heres the fucked part. The leader of the organization, after staring longingly at the cakes asks me for a caramel latte. I say "Are you allowed to have caramel lattes on a famine???" and she says "Oh yah, anything that's liquid"
.....huh....
Do the homeless get to enjoy lattes? Not really...so what the hell are you proving bu drinkin lattes? You're sleepin in your warm cozy beds at a university, sippin lattes. Do you know how many calories are in lattes? THIS IS NOT STARVING!!!!! Not to mention they had a party right before the famine and ate a shit load of pizza. Do you know how bad that is for you???? Eating a shit load of junk then having nothing but sugary drinks, when you shouldn't eve be having the sugary drinks???? Fuck that shit!!
Bah...im bored...

Jesus was a socialist

Nanachan — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 23:34:56 GMT

this has been stuck in my head all day

update

Nanachan — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 22:16:09 GMT

H'ok, so heres the dillio
Vets took some xrays, there is some cloudiness around his abdomen (where he is in pain) So they r gonna do another kind of x ray..i forget exactly waht it is...they make him swallow this stuff..and if it causes the foreign object to move...it means something...I dunno...but either way, they r takin more x rays.....

my poor baby

Nanachan — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 23:03:01 GMT

So my kitty, Romeo, has to stay at the hospital tonight. He has been having stomach issues. Apparently he won't eat, and he cries if someone tries to pick him up. Chances are he ate something he shouldn't have. So, they are going to take some x-rays. I just hope he's ok, I love him so very much....I wish I were home now to be with him.

well....

Nanachan — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:39:07 GMT

It must be official winter *whipes blood from my nose* here come the crazy ass random nosebleeds caused by the dry-ass air. God I hate winter...
Finally registered for classes next semester, though I'll probably register for more l8er. I should be writing my english paper right now.........buuuut this is me we're talkin about. I'll put it off then freak the hell out l8er.

Hehe

Nanachan — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 02:03:54 GMT

I was kinda feelin like doody till my big sis sent me this,

i wonder what cup size these are?

Nanachan — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 20:51:30 GMT

I just thought I'd share this...

Sooo...

Nanachan — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 15:32:45 GMT

I went to the tattoo parlor where I got my piercing done, the guy said it's fine. I guess I am just crazy....I dunno whatever.
So today I have to register for my classes for next semester, fun shit.
Also have tutoring at 3.
Then taking production shots for my friends movie at 6
then I dunno what im doin....

fffffuck

Nanachan — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 04:34:39 GMT

my mind hurts...

Thanks

Nanachan — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 15:12:52 GMT

Thanks for the kind words everyone. Yall can feel free to climb into bed with me anytime.....FOR CUDDLING!!! And maybe cookies.....

Workin 10am-9pm today....But my darling friend Sarah is coming to get me so we can hit up a taco bell somewhere.....cuz I loooove me some tacos!!!! Nom nom nom nom

Just made a new playlist of music to play here at the coffee shop.... consists of a grand mix of artists including Tom Waits, Billy Joel, Jay-z, Linkin Park, Sonata Artica, Nightwish, Hllywood Undead, Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies, hoobastank, David Gray, Rufuc Wainwright, Korn, Cat Steves, Oasis, Sister Sin, Skeeter Davis, Anna Tsuchiya, Dir En Grey, Spineshank, Deftones

SPEAKING OF DEFTONES it was brought to my attention yesterday that the bass player of Deftones is in a coma after a bad car accident. Keep him in your thoughts. Everyone remember to BUCKLE UP!!!!!

I'm so happy though, cuz Pat Carlucci (awesome artist I met at New York Comic Con) disappeared for a few months after going into accute renal failure. My mother works in dialysis so I know how fatal that can be. Didn't know what happened to him for a while, he was gone for 4 months and I was afraid the worst had happened. BUT HE HAS RESURFACED!!!! Poor guy is having trouble drawing though. I hope he gets his groove back. I must give him a hug at the next convention I see him at, if I do see him at another convention...

shrugs

Nanachan — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 02:33:17 GMT

Could just be my hormonalness, but I just don't feel right today. I need cuddles >.<

I've been obsessed with the movie Yellow Submarine lately though. Reminds me of being back in London. The British DNers must think I'm nuts for missing London so much, but the week I spent there was one of the best of my life...

my arab co workers are saying naughty words int heir language, and they think I don't know....

BUUGGHH

Nanachan — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 20:06:35 GMT

So....I had an emotional breakdown in front of an advisor today....I am in a feeling of hopelessness right now....

Chawh...

Nanachan — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:21:06 GMT

bleh, there was a party at muh suite last night. It was pretty fun at first, sexxy lap dances, boobies, alchohol, a rousing game of never have I ever....then I get bored and wanted to sleep lol. Evan was sleepin on my bed so I just kinda pushed him over and laid down. Finally later his girlfriend came in and got him heh. But it was one of those sleeps that doesn't feel like a good sleep. It was one of those sleeps where you deel almost disgustingly tired....its hard to explain.

I am afraid my hip piercing may be in the early stages of rejection....im not really sure though. Im gonna try to get to the parlor next week and have them look at it...i really hope not, or thats a wasted 90 bucks...and an ugly scar...aahhh feck. We'll see.
Im very hungry today, i dunno why....FOOOOOD-AH!

It's ovah!

Nanachan — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 05:10:31 GMT

Obama won, no more of this campaigning shenanigans! We can finally move on.

aight!

Nanachan — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 15:05:02 GMT

Members Only Journal

ick

Nanachan — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 20:33:51 GMT

Friends Only Journal

AUUGHH

Nanachan — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 22:01:42 GMT

root canal...my mouth hurts so bad.....FUCK