Saturday, I took my lovely fiancé down to the city of Lake Forest (formally El Toro) where I grew up. I showed her my childhood home, a few old hang outs and all of my old schools (Elementary, Jr. High and High School). For the high school, I actually gave her a walking tour of the campus. Other than a few additions (including a huge new building), it was pretty much as I’d left it. I was amazed at the flood of memories that hit me while we were there. I was really glad that we went, even with the ridiculously hot weather.

Later that evening we joined some friends from work at a party my boss was throwing. The weather was lovely and the drinks and Jello shots flowed freely.

Sunday we went up to Simi Valley to visit my sister and her family. We had the pleasure of watching my nephew and his team kick some serious ass in their baseball game… winning by 10 runs! Then we headed to their house for some swimming and food. It was a really great visit. Hell, we even got a new (used) couch out of it (The kind that turn into a semi-comfortable bed)!

All in all, I have had a pretty amazing couple of weeks. It’s hard to describe, but I’ve basically been lucky enough to re-live falling in love with Christa all over again… and I can’t begin to describe how amazing it feels.

I may not have all the material bullshit I’d like. I’m not rich and my hair is much thinner that I’d like. Yet, I can safely say you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who feels luckier than I do.

Next week… ROAD TRIP!

Looking out my office window, I can’t help but feel as vapid as the scenery.

I’m in a place that I know all too well… where no matter how hard I work, nothing goes the way I hoped it would.

I am stretched as thin as I can stand.

I have no more to give.

I feel overwhelmed and alone, even though I know I am capable and loved.

I hate this.

A major theme, as of late, has been “things I miss”. Most of these things are rather obtainable, so I figured I would write them down (kind of a to-do list) and see if I can’t make them happen.

Things I miss:

• ·         The sound of walking on gravel
• ·         The feeling of warm sand under my feet (even though I often hate sand)
• ·         The sounds and smells of downtown Havana
• ·         Barbequing with friends
• ·         The serenity of a nature hike
• ·         The food in Yountville, CA (it doesn’t matter which restaurant)
• ·         The excitement of performing on stage
• ·         The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York
• ·         Road trips
• ·         The simple comfort of napping in a hammock
• ·         San Francisco

Now that I’ve written them down, I have to say this list could also be titled, “My Happy Thoughts”.  

I am only 34 years old and I already feel like an old man who should be looking forward to retirement. I had my son at 17, which means I became a responsible adult before I was able to buy a Playboy. I have already spent 18 years in the work force. I’ve had 3 surgeries on my knees, 2 on my shoulder and 1 hernia operation. The hair on my head is now about as fleeting as support for our President and my beard is getting more grey by the day. And it’s my own damn fault.

I rarely take breaks at work, other than 1-2 minutes to get coffee or use the restroom. I work a minimum of 10 hours a day, which means I spend more of my waking hours in my office than I do in my own home. And when I finally do leave the office, I have no outlet to relieve my stress.

I’ve spent many years laughing at the “work hard / play hard” mentality but now I think I understand. It’s all about balance. I can’t continue to be a workaholic unless I find time for myself outside of work.

So, I have made a few promises to myself. Please note: I’ve made a point to come up with this before New Years. These are not resolutions to be tossed aside after a month. I see this as more if a life-change.

Here is the list of things that I will do for myself every week.

·         I will keep a clean home (a cluttered home causes stress)

·         I will dress better for work (sometimes appearance is all it takes to get the respect you want)

·         I will cook a nice supper every Sunday (this will be an open-house type dinner where friends and family can always drop by and join in)

·         I will walk more (I sit enough at work)

·         I will make the time to read more (I have far too many books at home still waiting to be read)

·         I will play music more often (whether it by my bass, my bassoon or something else… I need a creative outlet)

Granted, these things along will not necessarily lead to a more fulfilling or stress-free life… but it’s certainly a step in the right direction. I’m sure there will be weeks where I fall back to my old habit, but I’m willing to bet that I will soon find myself happier and healthier than I am now.

Only time will tell, I guess.