[Deviant Nation] delilah's Journal

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGH!

delilah — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 02:17:41 GMT

I've been a bit MIA. Things have been hectic.
I just needed to get that scream out.
Now off to bang my head against a wall.
Then sleep because I'm so physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
I promise, I am not ignoring anyone, life hasn't given me much time to do jack shit.
Adjusting to meds sucks ass.
bleh.

No Subject

delilah — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 02:39:43 GMT

I don't think anyone would know our family are Steelers fans.
No, we did not dress her like this. She picked it out as her "game outfit." She either has to wear her jersey or this outfit when the games are on. She passed out before kickoff tonight, she never makes it too far into night games but always asks in the morning if the Steelers won. This is her "getting ready to tackle the enemy like my love Polomalu."

The baby got mad because I was changing her and didn't have her facing the television. She won't watch anything else, but will sit in Greg's arms watching the game until she passes out.

Nope, we're not Steelers fans at all....

No Subject

delilah — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 02:22:24 GMT

bleh.
adjusting to meds sucks.
but, feeling more and more normal.... priceless.
I have to get some motivation. I have messages in my inbox I need to read. It's not out of laziness, but I just can't focus too long right now, as my brain is still in "what the fuck?" mode and unsure of what's going on.
With my very nice monthly paycheck I got from ChaCha, I bought myself some very very nice yarn (angora and mohair). Step two in my plan to take over the world. All the next steps will keep getting trickier and trickier.

No Subject

delilah — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 17:52:35 GMT

So, my plot to take over the world is starting to take baby steps. MUUUHAHAHAHHA!

I can't believe it's Monday, especially since I thought it was Tuesday all week.

Anyways, I'm taking Christmas orders for hats, I will be doing so until the last week of november. I need to order the yarn, and with it being the holiday season, I don't want to have to wait to get the yearn and send out the product late. Message me with what you would like and I will give you a quote.

I'm off to take a nap, the baby is finally taking one. I'm sure I will keep waking up.

Hope all is well.

I'm staring to get closer to "normal land", despite the loopiness of my brain getting all kinds of regulated and sht.
and blah blah blah.

No Subject

delilah — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 04:32:56 GMT

wow, lots of new profile banners and avatars for the models. That of course means more awesome sets.
The sets on the site have been amazing. Both models and photographers are doing an excellent job.
And congrats to all the new models who have turned purple!

I neeed sleep.

If you're having a crappy day.

delilah — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 15:25:58 GMT

Watch some of these videos, they might put smiles on your faces. If not, at least it took your mind off of what was making your day crappy.

I'm off like a hooker's panties at the sight of a lamborghini.

Deep thoughts by Jack Handey....

delilah — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 06:12:52 GMT

Okay, well just random thoughts.
-I shouldn't be allowed to be in a computer during the times I can not remember what day it is, and I'm all loopy.
-I can actually think about certain things, it's not a jumble of random thoughts interrupting other random thoughts. Hopefully by next week, things will be even more balanced out.
-I have a super duper secret idea about my hats *rubs hands together maniacally*.
-I really want to start practicing photography. It is something I've been interested in for years, but never had enough confidence to really get in to it. But, I'm at that point where I feel I need to quit being afraid of change and jump in and try. What harm does trying do? At least I can say I did it.
-I'm buying myself an exercise bike for christmas. this is because the cycles got so bad, well, since I didn't have money for compulsive buying, and I don't have alcohol or drugs in the house, fatty, sugary calorie filled foods have become my comfort. Yes, at one point I achieved pre-pregnancy weight, but unfortunately it came back and brought some friends.
-I have super duper ideas for sets once I'm ready to do so again. I'm in no hurry because these need super planned out, and I'd have to be able to arrange then with the photographer's styles that would best fit the theme.
-Pinky and the Brain are close to admitting defeat. They still try to make themselves known but the less I pay attention to the them more they fade into the horizon.
-I've been doing great with my work at home online jobs. I can't complain. It's nice not to have to pay for daycare and be able to set my own hours. I'm not making a killing, but it's more than I'd be making if I were still just sitting around doing nothing.
-I almost got atttacked by a skunk. Luckily, when I scared it, it just ran away. that would not have been a good thing.
I think I'm going to attempt sleep. I really don't think I should be near a keyboard.

Wow, Thanksgiving marks my 3 year anniversary here, when the site was stil in beta. It's amazing seeing all the models, members and photographers here, and it's so amazing that I'm on page 12 because of all the awesome models that have joined since. I'm still amazed my debut set is one of the top viewed, especially since there are so many absolutely great sets on here. The models and photographers rock. And Satan and Gwindylyn rock!

did you know it was Thursday.

delilah — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 21:11:02 GMT

I did not. All day I have been convinced it was Tuesday. This is mainly due to the fact I started on my meds on Monday, and my brain is focusing on steadying itself rather than making me have any concept of time. Luckily this time, I didn't go straight to 750. That made me live in a world where I wasn't sure if I was asleep or a wake. After a week of that, I was dropped to 500 which was the perfect dose. So luckily getting adjusted back to 500 is much more bearable. Except, I'm mus more forgetful. Luckily Greg's been off work while I've been getting adjusted to help out with the girls.

I hate meds, but I love the fact that soon, very soon, I will be back to the sarcastic, less annoying, talkative Delilah I used to be.

Watch out, 2009 is the year of the Delilah.
MUUUUAHAHAHAHAHAH!

No Subject

delilah — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 06:36:14 GMT

back on meds. cannot sleep. My mind is all goofy from the adjusting. Luckily it's nowhere like it was when they first put me on 750 mg and I couldn't tell when I was awake or when I was asleep. Then I went down to the 500, which leveled me out. So, I went on the 500 again today, and can actually function. Though rather rambly. I got a prescription for the morning and evening klonopin. I was also prescribed Trazadone for my insomnia, but I'm putting that one off, because the baby still gets up at night sometimes, and I'm not risking not being able to hear her to wake up.
I'm really looking forward to one to two weeks from now. I'll be balanced from my meds and finally feeling like a functional member of society once again, instead of a hermit who binge eats, and has no motivation whatsoever.
Bleh bleh bleh.
Off to go answer some penis questions on ChaCha. yay! haha

No Subject

delilah — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 05:01:58 GMT

I don't know if it's because of my hormones, or because I'm all goofy from starting my meds again today (wooohooo, less craptastic blog entries coming up once I start feeling "normal" again), but Keith Olbermann brought tears to my eyes:

An amazing journey

delilah — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 00:50:39 GMT

For the first time in 6 years, I have finally figured out Christmas and birthday presents for the munchkin before the end of November. She is very difficult to get presents for, because like every other toddler to 18 year old, she wants everything.
Well, for the past 2 years, she has wanted those Muzzy language learning videos (she LOVES learning things. She loves Spanish, and has been speaking what she's learned off Dora since she was 2 1/3-3). I have enough saved to get her that, but that only covers one of the two important days in December. She is watching the Goodnight Show on Sprout, and they were showing how to sign words. She was showing me what she just learned, then asked me if I knew sign language so she could learn more words. I haven't done sign language since elementary school, and the only thing I remember is signing the song That's What Friends are For. I asked what she wanted for her birthday, and she said "I want the Muzzy video and I want a sign language video."
Good, I have at least another year to save up for the cello she wants, since she didn't mention it yet.
I'm so proud of her, she absolutely loves school. She loves borrowing a different book every day from her teacher's library. She's not too thrilled about coloring. When she's at home, she colors great, but at school she just grabs the crayon and colors all over the place on the paper. She told me Friday that she doesn't think she should be coloring in school, because she'd rather be learning school stuff, and "I learned to color when I was a baby, I don't want to do little kid stuff when I'm at school."
She makes me so proud. Maybe she'll do book reports in 4th grade with Stephen King books like mommy did. lol. She already outdid me with being able to draw and write with both hands.
There were many times we worried about her. Of course, the first time being when I found out I was pregnant, when she saved my life. I was spiraling out of control, and didn't stop what I was doing until I found out I was pregnant, which is one of the most important stages of development. Then, when she was hospitalized when she was 13 months old and they said it was very possible that due to the complexity of the seizures and how little time between them, that she could be a bit developmentally delayed. When she turned 2, she wasn't talking much, and that worried us a bit.
Now, she has an enormous vocabulary, she loves learning, and every day she just amazes me more and more.
The baby is getting chubbier. She's been trying to get herself to sit up without much success. I'm a mess because I am weaning her so I can go back on my meds Monday. I forgot how difficult weaning is emotionally. I wish I could have done it longer, but I'm at that point where if I go much longer, I may spend another Thanksgiving with a rubbery piece of turkey and not even having a plastic knife to cut it thank you officer Hill, still haven't found those drugs I was supposedly smuggling? Everyone else gets to tell stories about their crazy relatives, I get to tell people about actual crazies).
The munckin has noticed I'm not myself anymore, and I don't want her to see me like this.

I have to go work on some hats.
Hope all is going well.

No Subject

delilah — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:37:10 GMT

Today was a parent-teacher meeting. I stayed home with the girls, while Greg went to the school. I am so proud of my daughter. Her teacher said they do testing to see where the students are at. Her score was equivalent to being 9 months ahead, or being at the same level as the first week of first grade. She mentioned that the gifted program only takes one kindergartner each year because of their age. So, next month they take the same test to see their progress. If Ava's score is consistent to being 9 or more months ahead at that point, her teacher is going to push for her to take the gifted test. She had nothing but wonderful things to say about how enthusiastic she is about learning. How when asked to count to 10, she went to 20 instead. How she is determined to be the first in her class to count to 100 (which she has been practicing the past week. She can actually get to 200 now). Greg forgot to ask if at school Ava writes and draws with both hands, since she drew a picture for my mom where the right side of the paper was drawn with her right hand, as well as the words she had written. On the left side of the paper she did the same thing with her left hand. Both pictures looked like they were drawn with the same hand. Even when she was a toddler she didn't favor one hand, both were always used equally.
I'm so proud of her. She is such a wonderful girl, she doesn't act up, she doesn't give us any problems, and she is so smart. It's amazing to see her problem solving skills and her inquisitive nature about everything, wanting to soak in as much information as she can. I can't say enough about how proud I am.
She's been incredibly interested in the presidential campaign. She was so excited when she got to vote for the school's mock election. Talking about McCain and Obama, and democrats and republicans. Wanting to watch the debates, wanting to stay up to watch the elections, and asking Greg to take her with him to vote yesterday. It's amazing that a 5 1/2 year old could actually be interested and actually understand what was going on.
It's funny, Greg and I get weird looks when we are out with the girls. Now, I have even more reason to smile to myself when I get those looks, because obviously, despite mine and Greg's tattoos and piercings, we are obviously doing something right.

No Subject

delilah — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 10:30:50 GMT

It is amazing how far we have come as a country where we can look past the color barrier. Tonight was historic, one of the biggest wins for the civil rights movement. Can you imagine being someone of color who lived through the 50s and 60s, hearing the news that the first African- American president of the United States has been elected? I can't even begin to imagine the amount of pride one has right now who suffered through discrimination, segregation, etc., those who thought they would never live to see this day. It is amazing, it truly is. This election right here has shown how far America has come. This is one of those times where I can say I am proud to be an American. I hope I can continue to feel proud once the results of the proposition hate are in. Once we as a country can finally look past the color of one's skin, their sexual preference, etc., and see that those are not what makes one human, but rather their compassion, their values, and beliefs.
Watching the speeches, it was amazing. Obama had such an enormous crowd, but when he mentioned John McCain, there was applause, while McCain's smaller crowd responded to the mention of Obama with boos and jeers. I guess it really isn't money that determines "class." It just goes to show the mentality of some people. I've got to give McCain credit for his concession speech. Watching Obama's speech brought tears to my eyes. After these past 8 years, we didn't have anyone looking out for US. It was a government who looked out for themselves and their buddies, and because of that millions of Americans have suffered. I could feel the compassion in Barack Obama's voice, I could feel the genuine concern for this country and the want for making it better. Being in the lower middle class, having someone who can actually relate to the stuggle we've been going through, gives me hope. It's wonderful to have someone who wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth, who can truly relate to the struggles of the average Joe (and no, I'm not saying it in the condescending way the Republican's have been when referring to *insert generic name here* the *insert middle class job here* toward the end of the campaign. To them it was just a cutesy way to get people to think they could relate/ have a clue about the struggles of the middle class. Just a "cutesy" gimmick), who, while watching him speak, you can see that he wants all Americans to have opportunities.
I just hope this is a step forward, that the impact will trickle down and tolerance will rise up. Gone are the days where the majority believed someone couldn't do something because of the color of their skin. Let's hope, that by the time our children reach our age (or even before), that eventually, every human in this country will all have the same basic rights and receive the respect they deserve.

It's wayyyy too early for me to be awake.

PS- That poor Levi kid who got Palin's daughter pregnant. This election pretty much determined his future. No, he's not going to be resentful at all that he pretty much felt the need to drop out of school to plan for a shotgun wedding that was done for PR. This, my friends is why there is a flaw in the marriage system. If it is okay for two people to get married, not out of love (thus, completely going against what marriage truly is for), but obligation, in a situation that will eventually cause resentment, why should it be "banned" for those who truly love each other and want to honor what marriage truly is?

Yeah, I'm rambling. Pissed off baby at 5 am= tired delilah.

bleh, complaining, and now taking christmas orders for hats.

delilah — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 14:07:22 GMT

I am now taking Christmas orders for hats. I've found some super soft, super warm alpaca yarn that is fantastic for winter hats, as well as a nice bulky cashmere blend that is much more affordable than 100% cashmere and is still super soft and cuddly.
If you would like me to make a hat for either yourself or for a gift for someone, send me a private message so I can send you a quote. Make sure to include what style (beanie, brimmed hat, beanie etc), color, any extras (ears, devil horns, furry/ fuzzy trim, etc) and fiber of yarn.
I can get various fibers as well as blends, I can get glitter yarn (which I LOVE, I've used two different types and love them both).
For fibers, you can choose:
Wool, alpaca, cotton, acrylic, cashmere, cashmere blends, mohair blend, silk, silk blends, etc. Keep in mind, certain fibers will cost more than others, so if you want, you can ask for a quote for more than one type of fiber so you can decide on what you would like.
I have access to a million different color choices, too (especially in the alpaca. Haha, can you tell I'm in love with that yarn? I've already made one beanie and one brimmed hat with it, and almost cried when I had to send them out!).

Ugh, I hope next month gets better. Been stressful, going through one of my "low cycles" that hasn't been going away. Might have to stop breastfeeding soon so I can start back on my other meds.
Been super busy with ChaCha. I'm loving it. I'm the type of person who loves to learn new things, so it's great looking up answers. Plus, I can't complain about the requests for yo mama jokes, because I love yo mama jokes. (can't complain about the money, either!).
Well, off to go answer questions about the size of the biggest penis (I answer at least 10 of those questions a day. haha).
Just figured I would pop in here.

Glad to hear everyone had fun in SF. I'm starting to save up now for next year. I've been here since beta, and haven't been to an event yet. I suck.

And yay, cupcake is finally here!

dead birds, armed robberies and lesbian strippers

delilah — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 01:27:32 GMT

So I finally have a working computer again. Motherfucker conked out on me once more. I have so much shit to ship out, it's late as fuck because I wasn't able to print out the paypal shipping labels before the piece of shit decided to die on me. bleh.

So, finally, after the trial being pushed back to this month, on Tuesday, I had to go in and testify. It was not fun at all. Luckily, my partner in crime gave me a ride since she had to testify as well. I missed her so much, so it was great to see her and her girlfriend. I've had nightmares about the incident for so long, but the nightmares didn't come close to the feeling of seeing them again, watching the surveillance video, and looking at stills of the one putting the gun to the bouncers head while the other one kept his eye on us letting us know he had a gun as well. It's weird, when it happened, the whole thing felt like 10 minutes, but after watching the video, it only was about 30 seconds. The kid whose car they stole was there, along with the two men whose guns were stolen for the robbery. After listening to them list their gun collection, it's scary to think those fuckers had access to m-16s and other disturbing weapons, but they just took the easy to conceal ones, and the one was actually broken. They also had stolen many knives as well. The officer called me the next day. They were both found guilty of all charges. The one who did all the talking and had the gun to the bouncers head is facing 10-20 years, the other 5-10. That's just for what they were convicted of here, not sure what's up with their robbery in vegas (which is where they were found). But, it's over, and after a year and 3 months, the anxiety is starting to subside.

My partner in crime and her girlfriend came over Wednesday, it was so nice to actually hang out. After I went off my meds, I distanced myself from the rest of the world, so seeing them for the trial was a swift kick in the ass to finally get over my phone phobia and have some human interaction.

A few weeks ago, I saw a damn bird in the storage part of the basement. The bird later was found by greg behind the door. Last Thursday, we decided to put the furnace on because it was getting cold. It wasn't working. Finally, greg got home from work, still couldn't get it to work. Our landlord was working on the other house in our back yard, so we had him come over to check it out. They dissected a part and pulled out two dead birds. Still wasn't kicking on. They ended up finding 5 dead birds in there before it finally started working.

The next day, I go into the storage room, because there is a bathroom in there. I had the door open. I saw a fucking bird fly out the door into the living room part of the basement. Motherfucker was all mangy looking, had dust bunnies all over it, and perched itself on the back of the couch, staring at me all crazy, like it wanted to eat my brains through my ears. Finally, I somehow managed to get it out without losing an eyeball.
The fun never ends in Delilah land.

This weekend is so lonely, Greg is at a weekend seminar for Pennsylvania shop stewards for the union he is in. He called me up after he checked in to the hotel. Luckily, it's at the hotel he works out so he didn't have to go out of town, but since there is stuff going on all weekend for it, it would be impossible for him to come home, and take the buses to get back in time since the one bus only runs once every two hours. Anyway, Sara Palin is doing a fundraiser or some shit in the 'burgh, so they decided to go protest. He had some amusing stories about some of the protesters. On the news, I saw some people dressed as polar bears with a huge "polar bears against Palin" sign.

Well, I'm off. I finally decided I need to get off my ass and make some more money, so I'm now a ChaCha guide. It's amazing how many people ask about the biggest penis size....

No Subject

delilah — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 14:48:51 GMT

Sometimes, I like to go off into a fantasy world. Today, after hearing the idiot that is our president speak, I went into a fantasy world thinking of what I would do if I were president, because lets face it, even a monkey would do a better job than him.
So, instead of making people pay a ridiculous amount in taxes for this bailout, I would legalize pot and tax that. Here in Allegheny county, there is a drink tax to bail out our Port Authority busing system. In the first month, collected around 2.5 million from 80% of bar owners. Now, if one county can raise that much off drink taxes, imagine what the government can raise from legalizing and taxing marijuana all over the country. Not to mention the fact that jobs would be created, room in jails would be freed up because people would no longer reside there for marijuana related offenses. The money wasted on the marijuana battle of the "drug war" could go toward busting those who provide more dangerous drugs, etc. Some people argue that if it's available like that, more people are going to smoke. Sure there may be some people who would smoke because they didn't want to because of the fact that it is illegal, but a majority of the smokers will be the same people who smoked and found ways to get it previously. Just like buying cigarettes and alcohol, just because they are legal doesn't mean everyone chooses to do it. Obviously, just like cigarettes and alcohol, there would be a set age. Right now, it is so easy for high schoolers to acquire weed while it is illegal. By legalizing it, it may make it a bit more difficult for them to do so (but, just like underage drinking, I'm sure there will be ways teens get around it).
Sure there are probably some flaws in my way of thinking, but hey, it's my fantasy world. I don't even smoke anymore, and I'm sure others who don't smoke might agree that by legalizing it, it could possibly help the economy.

blah blah blah. I'm half asleep, the baby's swaddler was in the wash last night, and she was a very unhappy baby all night.

Stolen from Emerald

delilah — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:39:55 GMT

Have you ever cried during a tattoo?
Came close to crying the last time I had my pubic area touched up

When did you get your first tattoo?
16

What was your first tattoo?
A tramp stamp I drew myself- a heart with some flowers

Which tattoo is closest to your heart?
My daughter's footprint

Do you have a matching tattoo with someone?
Yep, me, Fedora and Jessie Lee got matching tattoos last summer at a tattoo convention

Do you have a tattoo that someone messed up on?
More than one

Do you have anyone's name tattooed on you?
My daughter's name on my finger

What was the most painful tattoo you received?
The tattoo closest to my naughty bits

How many tattoos do you have?
13

Do you have a tattoo that you constantly have to explain?
The one on my forehead if someone notices it. Also, the skull with a quote from "Them Bones" around it.

Have you ever gotten an infection from a tattoo?
No

Which one took the longest?
So far, my last unicorn tattoo, and it still has a long way to go

Did you tell your parents?
Yes, my mom took me to get my first one. She's seen most of them.

Do you regret having gotten any of your tattoos?
No

Would you consider ever getting any of your tattoos removed?
Covered up, yes. Removed, no.

What are you going to get for your next tattoo?
Another foot print for my other daughter. Alice in Chains lyrics on either my side or my back

How many people have tattooed you?
8

Do any of your tattoos have color?
Most of them

Where are the places you won't get a tatt?
Neck, chest

random

delilah — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 21:12:39 GMT

I'm in rare form today
I get a shot in my ass tomorrow
my 5 year old kept trying to hypnotize my 2 month old yesterday. very amusing
princess chub-chub as of this past monday is already 13 pounds
I cannot stop eating peanut butter and strawberry jelly sammiches
For some reason, my armpits are rebelling against deodorant
I discovered there is a damn bird in our laundry/ storage room
I just finished a bunch of hats
I'm waiting on yarn for other hats
I have gassy-ass
Stillers game!

ARRRRRRRRR

delilah — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:13:46 GMT

Hey man, nice shot

delilah — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:12:46 GMT

So I promised a photo journal. Sunday, the power kept flickering because of the massive wind storm, so I shut the computer off because, really, I'm just not in the mood to deal with another fucked up computer. Yesterday, I was told to go back on the Paxil I had left over. Not even eased into it 10 mg at a time, just straight on through to a pretty big dose. I could best describe yesterday as feeling like 3 hours after peaking off 10 e pills, that feeling of still kind of rolling, but not at the cracked out phase quite yet. Today, is a little milder, at least I don't feel like I want to curl up on the couch with a nice soft blanket and not move.

So anyway, back to the photo journal. I usually focus on the models. Well, photography plays an important role on DN, because if it weren't for the photograhers, we wouldn't be seeing the awesome sets featured on the site. So, today, I'm focusing on great shots- whether it's the lighting, angles, capturing movement, color, something that really stands out, etc.

Chixor's Danger set shot by Wes

Aries' Off Limits set by Es-Ee-Ex

Adahlia's Night on the Town by railh

GraveyardSally's Old Love by CJW

Stitch's Albuquerque Desert by ChrisThornton

Apnea's Coulrophobia by Ursulla

Gish's Bad Brains by LiquidLight

Zyryel's painted by Jefta

Braewaste's Jailhouse Rock by Twistedview

Godiva's Gas Mask by RPG

Nao's Chopsticks by Marcos

Xavery's Canola Flowers by IronWill

DarlaDarkling's Devilishly Dark by Heretic

JaneDoe's Beach Frolic by meridiansage

Sunna's Picture Perfect by Teufer64

Beauvior's Ghost by CrackHeidi

Arin's Jameson by Cooter

I have so many more to post, maybe I'll make a part two, but I really need to lie down for a bit.

Hahahhahaha

delilah — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 22:13:07 GMT

Greg's coworked sent us a text that had this joke:

How do you get a Browns fan to stop masturbating?

Paint his dick black and gold and he'll never beat it again!

Go STILLERS!

No Subject

delilah — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 21:58:30 GMT

Enough of that craptastic journal entry.....

Later tonight, since I haven't done it in a while, I'm making a photo journal. Not sure of the theme yet, but I have until after the Stillers/ Clowns game to figure it out.

GO STILLERS! Beat dem Clowns n'at.