[Deviant Nation] klizown's Journal

Pretty good day I'd say

klizown — Mon, 11 Sep 2006 05:47:09 GMT

We'll start with the best first. I of course, look like crap. I however have to very beautiful ladies with me. I met both Chixor and Kali today at the Family Values tour here in Indiana. Very cool girls. Look forward to possibly getting a chance to hangout with either of them again.

I also met and hungout with Deadsy. (I know Kali before you say it, you don't like them :) ) They were cool guys. Signed some things and all that. Pretty good day all in all. Wanted to kill some random drunk for spitting beer all over me. No reason, just decided to spit on me. I was calling Kali, as she answers I call the guy a dickhead. I think she thought I was talking to her. It was a good day though. Oh yeah. Kali wanted me to upload the random pics of the sod flying through the air for some reason. Who am I to argue with a pretty woman?

Contemplating

klizown — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 00:11:43 GMT

I finally got a computer running in my room. Seriously, it was only moments ago. They haven't kicked me off so far, so I'm thinking I may go ahead and get a few months paid account. I'll be able to get on without people looking at me strange anymore, that's a plus. I don't want to be the weird guy on campus looking at a porn site with a bunch of people around me staring. So, moral of the story: I may be staying on. :)

No Subject

klizown — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 01:12:42 GMT

I really haven't been on here much at all recently. I need to get my comp in my room. I think as of now it would be pointless to pay for an account here with pretty much no way of accessing it. I think that I will get a new account once I get a source of internet more at my disposal. Hopefully my friends here will welcome me back with open arms. :)

Hmm...

klizown — Sun, 27 Aug 2006 20:36:51 GMT

I really haven't been very active on the site at all recently. I've been kinda busy and now I'm no longer working with a comp so my ability to be a part is slowly dwindling away. I'm not sure if I should go ahead and get a membership now or not. It used to be a lot of fun, but now I just look and see what people say in their journals and leave. I don't know. Maybe someone else will inspire me to stay or something.

Movie?

klizown — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 23:44:09 GMT

I know this sounds really stupid, but I had a funny idea recently. Well, it's funny to me at least. I want to direct (not be in, nobody would watch it) a porno and name it The Semen Demon. It would be funny as hell. It opens itself up for many sequals as well. The Semen Demon Cums Again. Things like that. Just stuff that's in my mind. Feel free to be weirded out now. :)

Yay for the dorks of the world.

klizown — Sun, 13 Aug 2006 07:56:13 GMT

I've spent my last two days at GenCon. A huge convention for gaming of all types. A buddy and I learned how to beat the system and have made about $100 apiece in product. That makes me pretty happy. I didn't even have to pay for my tickets, I got 3 for free and sold one for $50. I uploaded a huge amount of pics of random dorkiness if anyone is interested. Later.

No Subject

klizown — Sat, 12 Aug 2006 06:10:18 GMT

I hadn't posted a journal in a few days, so I figured I should.

Headless Bill did this vandalization of a pic of me a long time ago. I forgot about it untill a few moments ago. Here's the pic. I liked it. Thought you all should see the coolness that came about. Later.

Forget my Previous Post

klizown — Wed, 09 Aug 2006 22:14:51 GMT

I can afford 10 a month, why not. I'm gonna stay on here. I figure I'll just get an account and get my most out of it. I'll be out 10 a month...who cares. I'd rather pay a measly 10 and keep up with you people than just lose my account. Plus, where else can I harass Sin on a daily basis and not need a restraining order? I've grown very attached to seeing images of that beautiful lady these last few days.

Contact.

klizown — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 02:29:11 GMT

I know for certain that I won't be one of the few to get a free pass to the site. How in the hell do some of you people have like 5000 posts? that is crazy. I like all the cool people I met on this site and don't want to lose track of all of you. If you're interested in talking after all of this here's my messengers

aim xxmyownshadowsxx

yahoo xxthislastheartxx

msn GKlizzle@hotmail.com

I really hope to talk to all of you sometime in the future. I'm not sure when my page gets shut down, so just in case. Later everyone.

Slow Day

klizown — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 02:11:08 GMT

Such a slow day today. There's nobody here on campus to hangout with so I've spent the entire 5 hours of work today jumping around on here

vampirefreaks. www.vampirefreaks.com/MrGraves

and Myspace: www.myspace.com/Gklizzle

I"ve been listening to some of the bands that I just glanced over and decided that I liked on Purevolume as well. So far no regrets on what I picked before. If you got attacked by me with comments tonight sorry. I've been extremely bored so I decided to be active :) Just 50 more minutes till I get to go back to my room and do nothng. I might play some Kingdom Hearts 2 tonight though. That's always fun.

Anyone know how to post pictures on these journals? I tried a few different ways and didn't work out. I had something in my imageshack I wanted to put on here. Thanx

It's toaster time! Toot Toot.

klizown — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 23:04:48 GMT

The last few days have been pretty boring. Sleeping has been hard to say the least. I have/had a really bad sunburn. As of last night I was finally able to sleep like a normal person. That makes me happy. That is until a few hours ago I went home to pick up some things for my new room at the house. Whilst carrying my tv out the door I threw my back out. That's an awesome feeling. You're fine and then boom, oww what the fuck was that! Oh shit I can't stand up straight! Entertaining to say the least. I'm also wearing these contacts for the first time today. I can see everything else perfectly fine, except for this damned monitor. It's pretty annoying. Oh well. All in all, the day could be worse. At least I have someone to hangout with. Logan and I have been hanging out a lot as of late. He is done working and now has time to just be a "kid" for the time. I think I'm just mambling now. Later.

Pictures

klizown — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 00:30:44 GMT

I'm bored at work so I put up another group of pictures. It's just some friends of mine. There is a picture of Logan and myself in there in drag. If nothing else that's at least worth a laugh. You should check them out :)

backyard

klizown — Wed, 26 Jul 2006 23:21:33 GMT

I never thought it would get to this point, but today it did. I never thought I'd find myself quite so pissed off at someone calling me a fucking yardie in my life. Yeah, I wrestled a few times in backyard shit, but that was just for fun never anything too serious. Just some friends hanging out and all that. Now I know I'm not as well versed as I need to be, but I also know that I'm no yardie. I've had many professional matches so far and I'll have plenty more. I've wrestled(and beaten) people from ECW for god's sake. The person had no idea, or it slipped their mind that I had been trained and all that. Just the idea pissed me off. Not her fault though, I don't blame her. People don't register the idea of there being other pro-wrestling groups besides the almighty WWE or TNA. I'm not a yardie and it's that simple. I'm not calling them out on this, just wanted to vent.

You said Im lazy baby
You said Im wastin all my time
But Im not worried darling
My mission party all the time

rock rock the fm radio
na na na na na na na na
dont stop until you lose control
na na na na na na na na
wasted on the avenue
waiting for that dream to come true
you told me im crazy
you gotta be crazy
you got to, youve got to believe
you told me im crazy, crazy

we bled for the dreams that fuel us
and now were coming to collect
gimme gimme that easy money
you know you want whats comin next

rock rock the fm radio
na na na na na na na na
dont stop until you lose control
na na na na na na na na
wasted on the avenue
waiting for that dream to come true
you told me im crazy
you gotta be crazy
you got to, youve got to believe
you told me im crazy, crazy

what did you want from me?

mi corazon no falta
there is nothing that i fear, there is nothing that i
fear
mi corazon no falta
there is nothing that i fear, luchare astal finale
and youll never take that away

you told me im crazy
you gotta be crazy
you got to, youve got to believe
you told me im crazy, crazy
crazy

Bedlight for Blue Eyes - Dig on This

Last few days

klizown — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 23:00:49 GMT

As I sit here I think about what has happened in the last few days and am simply saddened by the sheer lack of quality of life I'm having. First of all, of course you all know that I'm single, by my own accord, but nonetheless single. I don't like being single for long periods of time. Ex-girlfriends won't believe this but I like having someone to care for and to care about me. Life is way harder alone than with someone. Along these same lines, Carisa and I started talking, not romantically by any means but still. Today we had this huge argument which found me being a complete dick to her, but I fealt and still feel like I wasn't out of line. An hour or so later a guy who cares greatly for her and would make a great choice as a boyfriend messages me on myspace and asks me to message him on aim to talk about this stuff. He tells me his piece about how he cares about her but she won't do anything but talk about me. He's really cool so I try and keep my calm and not be a dick. Finally the whole situation gets to me and I go back to my normal self and start being a dick to him like I do to everyone else. It was funny though dammit. So, I guess I can continue to talk to her, even though nothing is like it used to be and it never will be again. I want her happy, nothing more.

I got a letter Friday afternoon informing me that my student aid has been fixed. I have the money I need to go to school this year. I'm very happy and excited by this. I was worried that I would have to go to school for part time only next year. I'm already behind, I'd like to get everything out of the way. This also means that I have not signed up for classes of yet. Just a few weeks away from school getting back in and I still am not registered. I have to do that tomorrow.

Besides getting signed up for classes tomorrow I have other shit to worry about. I went and got an ultra-sound to check on my gallstone. I was supposed to know that next Monday when I would get my surgery. They still haven't contacted me, so this means I need to do so tomorrow. It's been about 3 weeks. I also went and purchased some new glasses (thank God) and a new pair of contacts. I'm gonna be sexy, hahaha, ok no. They were supposed to be in anywhere from 10-14 days after I ordered them, Friday was 14. I'm also supposed to get my credit card paid off, but they won't ever call me back, so I guess I'm gonna call and harass them some more tomorrow also. So tomorrow consists of...get classes, call hospital, call eyeglass world, go to dinner with family, go to work, and after work I'm going to Gamerz in Indy to play some cards. They're apparently open late on Tuesdays with a huge magic crowd so that's nice, a lot better than coming back to the house to just sit.

I've gotten this weird affinity as of late to those games where you're hunting for random animals. I went on a prairie dog Jihad earlier today at CiCi's Pizza. I've come to the conclusion that they have the best one in the world. It's called Extreme Hunting I think. I'm in some weird love with that game. I played the two that Wal-mart has, they pale in comparison. Today alone, I have put around $10 in hunting games. Now I can say that my redneck pleasures are and solely including: biscuits and gravy, fish fries, and now hunting games. hahaha. I'd buy that game, no joke.

I hungout with lil Jon, Ray, Kosi, Kenney, Bondo, and...Matt..? I'm gonna say his name is Matt, tonight. It made things a little better. It always does. I go over there and just don't think about shit. I need that. I'm moving in with lil Jon for a bit this summer, Bennett is coming back and I don't want to invade his space so I'm moving in with Jon. It's easier to live with someone you're close to than someone you're just kinda cool with.

I waisted about 64 or so on a ticket to go see the Great American Bash last night with Tim. It was a joke. The whole thing sucked ass. I didn't even get a cool Finlay t-shirt. I wanted it badly too. Oh well. I should have went to Ozzfest instead. At least Pants thought about me and got me a poster signed by 2 members of Atreyu. I'll take that.

I think that I covered everything in this. If not I work later, I'll do another one then maybe. I sure do hope I get lotsa comments from people who care about me :) I'm so lame.

Have you ever seen stars like these?
with a night like this wishin' it could last for weeks
and I'm convinced that soon you'll see
these summer leaves turn to a winter breeze.

[Chorus]
I will show you the country and all its secrets
like why these lights burn out so quick.
[x2]

Have you ever seen roads like these
with a sky so bright from the western light
and I've foreseen a new family
forged from blood and bone just off the coast

Put a record on they say it soothes the soul
and takes us back in time when we walked in fields of gold
with the radio playing these random hits
we'll move onto a western view

[Chorus]
I will show you the country and all its secrets
like why these lights burn out so quick.
[x2]

I will show you the country.

Tonight we ride to fight. [x6]

We'll drop our heads real slow to the ground
that's frozen cold and breath it in
and move our limbs to make those wings
begin again and wait and see
what tomorrow brings

And we will feast and fight
and tell tales of hangmen heroes lovers and pawns

The Forecast - These Lights

~SHOW ME POTATO SALAD~

Recentness

klizown — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 17:13:23 GMT

I went and saw Panic! at the Disco Wednesday night, they were very good live. The opening bands were The Hush Sound and The Dresden Dolls. I only had heard them before on myspace and really didn't care for them much. The Hush Sound was ok, but nothing special in my opinion. I had an extreme distaste for the Dresden Dolls however. After seeing the Hush Sound I thought they were pretty good and I was impressed with how well they actually sounded live. So I was wrong in my initial thoughts on them. After they got off the stage Rayfield went to the bathroom again and we got back just in time to see the Dresden Dolls. I held no expectations of grandeur for them. They actually suprised me on their performance. They had a comical element and their drummer is amazing. The lead singer of Panic came out and the 3 of them did a cover of hit me baby one more time. It was a pretty funny situation. Of course Panic was amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed their show. They had these two very sexy ladies on stage with them dressed like burlesque dancers. The thicker of the two did a bellydance. I gotta admit it was very sexy. I also saw a very attractive girl that I planned on saying something to her, but after a few moments of careful consideration on whether or not I had a chance her boyfriend walks up to her. So that was a no go. He was a real tool too. I heard him talking to some guy about how his family is loaded and they know all these famous people, British asshole. Anyways, the show was amazing and Rayfield and I had a great time. I got a new shirt, so now I can start phasing out the part of my wardrobe that I don't like anymore. I'm still that "ICP kid" cause it's all that I wear. I wear it cause they fit my fat ass. hahah I'm fat. I'm not in a bad mood right now which is a plus.

BTW, my grandpa is in the hospital and will probably pass on pretty soon. Just think about him and hopefully he'll pull through. I feel like a dick cause I can't pull myself to go see him like that. I went last night and almost broke down crying right there. I'm gonna go see him tomorrow again though. Times get hard...sometimes.

Today

klizown — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 02:57:44 GMT

I'm not in as bad as a mood today as I have been. I've surrounded myself with friends, it's nice. Hope this keeps going though, I hate feeling all down like I do. I need something to keep me out of that mindstate. I think we're hanging out for some more tonight. We'll see though.

Pictures

klizown — Sat, 15 Jul 2006 08:13:04 GMT

I uploaded some pics of both very beautiful women and some of my favorite bands. Nothing that interesting, I can't sleep and it was something to do. I'll hopefully get a camera soon so that all of my pics aren't me sitting at my comp. I need more pics. Well I'm gonna watch these cartoons now.

BTW nothing tastes better than lemon-aid when you're all hot and sweaty. It's the shit.

Empty Glass Jars

klizown — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 02:59:18 GMT

Ever feel invisible? I definately feel that way right about now. Nobody has time to hangout with me or even talk to me for that matter. I just sit here at this desk and deal with people as they ask me some stupid fucking questions. There's a camp here on campus again, which means I have to talk to parents who have no idea what's going on and some random teenage kids who don't know how to put up the pool equipment that I loan them even though I can get in trouble for giving it out to non-students. Whatever though, I'm going home this weekend. Maybe someone will see me while I'm there? There's guys coming over to hangout at the house tomorrow evening, but I work until 11. This means that by the time I get back to the house they will be pretty well off towards the stupid drunken stages. So I'll probably duck out soon after arriving to go home to just sit alone again. I'll be met later on with the "Where did you go? Everyone hungout and you just left. I wish you woulda stayed too", even though they really don't care. They're all to drunk to care about what's going on in my life or anyones at times. I love them all, just sometimes it seems so trivial.

The stars will be your nightlights tonight
And I will be your lullaby

They dragged it up
And continued with the beatings
And how you bleed,
You could bleed forever

It burns and leaves the rope tied tonight
It burns and leaves the rope tied
The stars will be your nightlights tonight
And I will be your lullaby

Another finger lost
What use do you have for those eyes in your head
You took and killed
Everything about me

It burns and leaves the rope tied tonight
It burns and leaves the rope tied
The stars will be your nightlights tonight
And I will be your lullaby
The stars will be your nightlights tonight
And I will be your lullaby

So disgusted with it
You took your sweet time
So let's get out of this town
So let's get out of this town

So disgusted with it
And you took your sweet time
So lets get out of this town
So lets get out of this town,
And start this day all over and over again

Just like the good old days
You wipe the stains from off of your face
And forget her, just forget her
Just like the good old days
You wipe the stains from off of your face
And forget her, just forget her

The best liar I heard all day
You're too much of a good thing
You're too much of a good thing

Funeral For a Friend - Alvarez

My life as a lazy old man

klizown — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 00:58:18 GMT

That's how I feel right now. I don't feel as though I'm accomplishing anything in my life. I'm not down about it or anything like that, just don't see as though I have anything going for me right now. I'm just going through the motions of waking up and going to do what I'm supposed to, like going to work. I get so bored on a daily basis that it's almost unbearable at times. I need someone to spend time with, preferably a lady friend. It doesn't even need to be romantic or sexual by any means. I'm just the kinda person that feels better when there's a girl around to make me feel like a normal person. It's hard to explain, but that really works for me. Just having someone around that I know is paying attention to what I say and actually caring helps me through many of life's shitty times. I know I have guy friends that do the same thing, but that's entirely different. It's nice to feel important to the finer sex. Just a natural thing I guess. So am I just being normal, or am I showing weakness again. When you show weakness, that's when people come to you. When they all need something and you of course give in, cause you know how it is to need and thusly do all you can to help them. I've put myself there before, and I can't afford to do so again. Be careful James, be careful. They'll come for you yet.

Repercussions of the Downfall

klizown — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 23:16:50 GMT

So, I broke it off with Carisa. Fighting + distance + a bunch of other problems = Jimmy cracking and ending a relationship with someone he cared(s) for greatly. (it's an equation so it has to be true) It happened only Wednesday and I've fealt bad about it ever since. I know I did the right thing because I don't want to ruin her life while mine is going downhill. I can't be a good boyfriend right now, I don't have enough sanity to devote to my fucked up life let alone be a big part of someone elses. I keep reading every blog she posts, and each time feel more and more like I've fucked up things. Well apparently it wasn't that big of a loss for her, she got over it rather fast. Today, not even 2 entire days later, she writes this in one of said blogs.

She states something about me lying to myself that I don't still love her. I know I did love her, don't think so anymore though just since the breakup. She's still trying to convince herself that she loved me at one point. She at least got me to buy her shit. 2 trips and that fucking cow. So she came out of the situation in a positive I guess.

She says she doesn't think about me anymore and dreams of the blonde guy that she used to complain about all the time. Some Chris guy that is apparently lightyears ahead of my backwoods ass. She continues to pine on about how she let the good one go in January and ended up with such a failed attempt at a life. "I can't even rember James' face." Awesome I'm forgettable. :)

So I apparently made as big of an impact on her life as she says. I'm glad to a point that she isn't wallowing in it anymore, yet I feel like shit cause of it. Unsure of where to go with this. I'm not gonna let it hold me down though. I wrestle tomorrow night in Richmond, IN. Those of you able to come should do so. I'm gonna rip shit up. I also have a pre-release Sunday, maybe i'll do well and that will help a bit.

Life Alone

klizown — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 02:47:36 GMT

So I'm already trying to overcompensate with being single by acting happier all the time, when of course it isn't true. I have shit to worry about like my body falling apart and my impending doctors visit tomorrow. So what could make it worse, how about a convo with the ex in which she tries to bring me down. Sounds fun, let us indulge shall we?

ThatPenguinChick (9:26:05 PM): life sux man

XxMyOwnShadowsXx (9:26:26 PM): i'm sorry

ThatPenguinChick (9:26:49 PM): ur life goes to hell so does mine, its not fair.

XxMyOwnShadowsXx (9:27:03 PM): so i'm supposed to drag you down with me?

ThatPenguinChick (9:27:44 PM): hun i was already down.....u act like i dont have my own issues that im all happy and shit. u leaving me made my problems worse now im lost

XxMyOwnShadowsXx (9:31:42 PM): i'm sorry

ThatPenguinChick (9:32:48 PM): it doesnt matter anymore. u dont want me thats fine.

ThatPenguinChick (9:32:59 PM): just another thing i gotta deal with

Of course I didn't need that to make my evening even more grand. I keep reading her blogs, probably a bad idea on my part. I end up more and more sorry for what I've done to her everytime. Just not sure how to deal right now. I'm generally not all that depressed until I think about it. Then I want to go hide. Just gotta keep busy on my shitty life. Somethings gotta go up sooner or later.

Happier note, I wrestle this Saturday and I have a pre-release for a new set of Magic on Sunday. That should make me feel better. Maybe my good showing at States will follow me to this weekend and I can clean up again. Wishful thinking. ANY of you in the indy area that would like to see me wrestle I'd like that...Kali Hint hint. :) Peace.

Apart

klizown — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 01:50:30 GMT

I broke up with my girlfriend. I care about her greatly, but things aren't working out. I have a bunch of shit on my plate that having a girlfriend only continues to agitate the situation. Wish things weren't this way, but things happen. Peace.

My Time

klizown — Tue, 04 Jul 2006 00:38:44 GMT

Been hanging out in Shelbyville a bunch lately. I've met back up with a nice sized group of friends that I don't see much anymore and I like the feeling. Nick has been hanging out with me alot and it's like the old days again. I never get hit on or flirted with. Not until recently that is. Just yesterday I got 2 phone numbers from 2 girls who were together when I went out to eat. Never happens. There's a girl at Denny's that kinda looks at me and smiles a lot of the time. Never happens to me. It couldn't come at a worse time for me either. I'm at a time where I'm forgetting more and more that I do indeed have a girlfriend whom I care for deeply that lives in New York. I'm dating a voice on a phone, which I hate to be on. I despise having to sit and talk on the phone for hours at a time, but that's my only link to my girlfriend. Without the actual person here to love, it doesn't seem like a relationship as much as a hinderance. Shit's getting deep, and I have nowhere to pile it.

so...I'm falling apart

klizown — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 01:41:14 GMT

I went to the hospital a few weeks ago and was told that I had a kidney stone. So I had to struggle through the pain of passing that thing for over a week. Now a week or so later I had another trip to the friendly people of the E.R. again last night. I had the same feeling of pain as before with the kidney stone. This time the pain was on the right side of my body instead of the left. Turns out, after hours of laying there in my morphine daze, I was informed that I had passed my kidney stone successfully. I had, however; formed a stone in my galbladder. Now I have a cramping pain that shoots through my body. I can't eat anything fatty at all. I'm allowed approx. 2 grams per serving of anything all day. It sucks majorly. They are gonna have to operate to remove it as well. Just been a fun couple of days. I'm falling apart and I'm only 20. Guess I am way to fat huh.

Fights

klizown — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 23:48:12 GMT

Been fighting with the girlfriend for about 2 hours now. It's so much fun. I decided that I wanted to give this another try because I love her. I knew I wasn't gonna be happy for a long time, cause i get into these depressions for a good bit. I thought that if I was with her still then at least I have a woman that I love and that loves me. My only fear was that she wouldn't leave certain things alone that I don't want to talk about. So the last few days she has been riding me about them. I don't know what to do, I'm genuinely unhappy. More than ever. I'm falling apart in my own little world. Smile and deal with it when you're around people though, don't wanna upset anyone.