[Deviant Nation] stone's Journal We believe that people who love erotica are more than just faceless members sitting at a computer looking at photos of nameless models. We are a community, a cooperative, a society of people that are more than the dollar amount of their site memberships. Deviant Nation We believe that people who love erotica are more than just faceless members sitting at a computer looking at photos of nameless models. We are a community, a cooperative, a society of people that are more than the dollar amount of their site memberships. We are striving to combine community, subculture, artistic expression and erotica all at once. Deviant Nation satan@deviantnation.com Girls,Pinup,Tattoo,Pierced,Goth,Punk,Rockabilly,emo,Metal,Subcultures yes http://deviantnation.com/girls/stone en-us Copyright 2003-2008 Deviant Nation, Inc. satan@deviantnation.com Sat, 15 Mar 2003 07:00:00 GMT Wed, 03 Dec 2008 22:08:40 GMT 60 DN Logo http://i.deviantnation.com/i/dn-logo-small.png http://deviantnation.com Deviant Nation 76 144 another shitty anniversary http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/76470 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone <p>I know I have a lot of people who tell me &quot; You should be happy you are alive&quot; now that it is the 3rd anniversary of Katrina... but I got just a few words to those people...</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>I wish that the fucking storm wiped me away!!!! I tried therapy, being drug free, changing where I live, changing jobs, and yet NOTHING helps!!!!</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>I thought that when I met someone in Vegas who meant a whole hell of a lot to me that things would get better, but my situation at the time (as well as a bad drug habit) made things impossible to recover from, and start a life with her.</p> <p>&nbsp;When I woke up strapped to a bed (and the girl I wanted to make a new life with saw me like that, so that but the kabosh on what I was trying to do in my moments of sobriety) I knew I fucked up, and things would never be as I wanted them to be.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Now, 3 fucking years later, after trying the dr's way (theraphy and perscription drugs that should make me &quot;happy&quot;)...&nbsp; I can honestly say that I feel no better than I did 3 years ago...</p> <p>... I still feel hollow</p> <p>... I still hate society</p> <p>....I still feel I wish I was wiped out with the rest of the town</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>I swear I tried to go on the straight and narrow and pick up the pieces... but I am still SOOO fucking lost</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>I find some sort of refuge in going to the bar 5 nights a week and just drinking till I am oblivious, but that is making my living situation hairy, since I am with my family at this time, and my coming home drunk is making waves big time</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>The small moments of happiness I find each day are cool, and are what sorta keeps me &quot;strong&quot;, but man, they are so few and far between, I feel just like I did 3 years ago when I suposedly &quot;survived&quot; the Hurricane</p> <p>I swear I know life isn't all peaches and ballons... but it fucking has to be better than this... right?</p> Blog yes I know I have a lot of people who tell me " You should be happy you are alive" now that it is the 3rd anniversary of Katrina... but I got just a few words to those people...

 

I wish that the fucking storm wiped me away!!!! I tried therapy, being drug free, changing where I live, changing jobs, and yet NOTHING helps!!!!

 

I thought that when I met someone in Vegas who meant a whole hell of a lot to me that things would get better, but my situation at the time (as well as a bad drug habit) made things impossible to recover from, and start a life with her.

 When I woke up strapped to a bed (and the girl I wanted to make a new life with saw me like that, so that but the kabosh on what I was trying to do in my moments of sobriety) I knew I fucked up, and things would never be as I wanted them to be.

 

Now, 3 fucking years later, after trying the dr's way (theraphy and perscription drugs that should make me "happy")...  I can honestly say that I feel no better than I did 3 years ago...

... I still feel hollow

... I still hate society

....I still feel I wish I was wiped out with the rest of the town

 

I swear I tried to go on the straight and narrow and pick up the pieces... but I am still SOOO fucking lost

 

I find some sort of refuge in going to the bar 5 nights a week and just drinking till I am oblivious, but that is making my living situation hairy, since I am with my family at this time, and my coming home drunk is making waves big time

 

The small moments of happiness I find each day are cool, and are what sorta keeps me "strong", but man, they are so few and far between, I feel just like I did 3 years ago when I suposedly "survived" the Hurricane

I swear I know life isn't all peaches and ballons... but it fucking has to be better than this... right?

]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/76470/#comments 5 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/76470 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/76470 Fri, 29 Aug 2008 06:41:23 GMT I am a bad deviant... http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/73116 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone ... I haven't been on here since 5-12-08 since I was working 50 plus hours and going to the pub 5 nites a week...<br /> <br /> ... Well, I am down to 30 hours a week, so that totally cuts into my drinking time, but gives me more online time<br /> <br /> I hope everyone who rerads this has been well, and I'll message ya soon<br /> <br /> -stone<br /> <br /> (random observation today... a baby with a pacifer in his mouth was given a quarter and a scratch ticket by it's parent... man that's all sorts of f'ed up!!!) Blog yes
... Well, I am down to 30 hours a week, so that totally cuts into my drinking time, but gives me more online time

I hope everyone who rerads this has been well, and I'll message ya soon

-stone

(random observation today... a baby with a pacifer in his mouth was given a quarter and a scratch ticket by it's parent... man that's all sorts of f'ed up!!!)]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/73116/#comments 5 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/73116 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/73116 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 07:54:14 GMT best performance ever... http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/67909 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone For DN Scarslikelace<br /> <br /> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArbARCeam3I">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArbARCeam3I</a> Blog yes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArbARCeam3I]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/67909/#comments 1 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/67909 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/67909 Wed, 07 May 2008 04:45:11 GMT I see http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/64491 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone I see<br /> <br /> -your reflection in the glass looking at me on the train while l look at the skyline passing by, but with us both to scared to make a move and talk to each other<br /> <br /> -how you talk about people behind their back, yet to their face pretend to be their friend, and swear they will always have the other persons back... who are you trying to fool? them or yourself?<br /> <br /> - the insanity of people who try to come across as &quot;normal&quot; yet are as crazy as us who have been said to be ok by professionals, yet we now if that we are ok by their standards, whilst self realizing that we are fucking cuckoo for cocoa puffs, how the hell can they be sane?<br /> <br /> -you trying to scrape by in life... too proud to accept help when it is offered, yet&nbsp; are among the most in need of help<br /> <br /> -Your point of view, even though I totally disagree with every single solitary word you say<br /> <br /> Blog yes
-your reflection in the glass looking at me on the train while l look at the skyline passing by, but with us both to scared to make a move and talk to each other

-how you talk about people behind their back, yet to their face pretend to be their friend, and swear they will always have the other persons back... who are you trying to fool? them or yourself?

- the insanity of people who try to come across as "normal" yet are as crazy as us who have been said to be ok by professionals, yet we now if that we are ok by their standards, whilst self realizing that we are fucking cuckoo for cocoa puffs, how the hell can they be sane?

-you trying to scrape by in life... too proud to accept help when it is offered, yet  are among the most in need of help

-Your point of view, even though I totally disagree with every single solitary word you say

]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/64491/#comments 4 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/64491 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/64491 Tue, 25 Mar 2008 03:42:40 GMT lazy blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/63691 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone since i am lazy i respond to one of those survey thingies instead of a real blog... I wont take offense if y'all don't read it<br /> <br /> ____________________________________________________________<br /> <br /> What color do prefer in lingerie?<br /> black<br /> <br /> Do you have a favorite style?<br /> don't mind garters/stockings<br /> <br /> Does lingerie even matter?<br /> not at all, but still fun to look at<br /> <br /> <br /> Do you prefer blondes, red heads, black heads, brunettes, doesn&rsquo;t matter or all of the above?<br /> doesn't matter at all<br /> <br /> Are you turned off by a girl if they sleep with you on a first date?<br /> no<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Biggest turn on?<br /> smile and eyes<br /> <br /> <br /> Biggest turn off?<br /> someone too &quot;full of themselves<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Does size matter?<br /> to me or to the girl? ... I don't worry about my size cause I got great hands<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Do you consider yourself romantic?<br /> sometimes<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> What do you consider to be a romantic date?<br /> spending time together when you don't realise 4 hours has passed by in the blink of an eye<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Do you think you should always have to pay just because you&rsquo;re the guy?<br /> nope, but usually i do<br /> <br /> <br /> Is having two or more girls at once really your biggest fantasy?<br /> been there done that lost the t-shirt in the hurricane<br /> <br /> <br /> If not, what is?<br /> just being with someone who realises life is short, lets have the most fun now as possible<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Are you faithful?<br /> usually<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Have you ever cheated on anyone?<br /> sex nope emotions yep<br /> <br /> <br /> Did you regret it?<br /> nope<br /> <br /> <br /> Have you ever been cheated on?<br /> <br /> yep<br /> <br /> Would you rather a one-stand or a relationship?<br /> depends<br /> <br /> <br /> If it depends, what does it depend on?<br /> depends on the moon, stars, lunar allignment...<br /> <br /> <br /> What do you look for in a girl?<br /> someone who wants to live in the moment and not the future<br /> <br /> <br /> Do you or have you ever told a girl what you think she wanted to hear, even if you didn&rsquo;t think it was true?<br /> <br /> of course<br /> <br /> Why?<br /> .for my own safety/sanity<br /> <br /> <br /> Did it work?<br /> <br /> i am still alive... but my sanity is questionable<br /> <br /> Relative to grooming, do you prefer hardwood floors, hitler, or 70's horror movie chic?<br /> I suppose these means pubes... and i guess anything but 70's afro bush<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Do you prefer someone who makes you feel good, or someone who looks<br /> good with you?<br /> i look like shit, so I want both, so the couple quotant goes up regardless of me<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?<br /> cartoon comercial tells me 3<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Do you prefer your lady friend to be aggressive in bed or do you like to be in control?<br /> share and share alike, especially in responsibilities<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Would you use props/toys?<br /> call me Gallegar/Carrot top... but beware if you are a girl and I tie you up... I may go make a sandwich <br /> <br /> Blog yes
____________________________________________________________

What color do prefer in lingerie?
black

Do you have a favorite style?
don't mind garters/stockings

Does lingerie even matter?
not at all, but still fun to look at


Do you prefer blondes, red heads, black heads, brunettes, doesn’t matter or all of the above?
doesn't matter at all

Are you turned off by a girl if they sleep with you on a first date?
no



Biggest turn on?
smile and eyes


Biggest turn off?
someone too "full of themselves



Does size matter?
to me or to the girl? ... I don't worry about my size cause I got great hands



Do you consider yourself romantic?
sometimes



What do you consider to be a romantic date?
spending time together when you don't realise 4 hours has passed by in the blink of an eye



Do you think you should always have to pay just because you’re the guy?
nope, but usually i do


Is having two or more girls at once really your biggest fantasy?
been there done that lost the t-shirt in the hurricane


If not, what is?
just being with someone who realises life is short, lets have the most fun now as possible



Are you faithful?
usually



Have you ever cheated on anyone?
sex nope emotions yep


Did you regret it?
nope


Have you ever been cheated on?

yep

Would you rather a one-stand or a relationship?
depends


If it depends, what does it depend on?
depends on the moon, stars, lunar allignment...


What do you look for in a girl?
someone who wants to live in the moment and not the future


Do you or have you ever told a girl what you think she wanted to hear, even if you didn’t think it was true?

of course

Why?
.for my own safety/sanity


Did it work?

i am still alive... but my sanity is questionable

Relative to grooming, do you prefer hardwood floors, hitler, or 70's horror movie chic?
I suppose these means pubes... and i guess anything but 70's afro bush



Do you prefer someone who makes you feel good, or someone who looks
good with you?
i look like shit, so I want both, so the couple quotant goes up regardless of me




How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
cartoon comercial tells me 3



Do you prefer your lady friend to be aggressive in bed or do you like to be in control?
share and share alike, especially in responsibilities



Would you use props/toys?
call me Gallegar/Carrot top... but beware if you are a girl and I tie you up... I may go make a sandwich

]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/63691/#comments 2 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/63691 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/63691 Fri, 14 Mar 2008 03:15:56 GMT I am employed once again!!!! http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/62646 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone Small update... I am once again employed! I am going to be following in the footsteps of the great Charles Bukowski and work as a Postal Clerk! I worked for them as a temp&nbsp;over the Holidays, and just got a call back for another 90 day appointment (instead of just a 30 day one). While it is&nbsp;still a temp job, I'll take it!!!!!<br /> &nbsp;<br /> So, for the next 3 months, I won't have to go through the hassle of filling out 100's of applications, as well as the fact as it looks good on the resume I have been called back and worked for them twice now!<br /> <br /> That's all for now... wish me luck!<br /> <br /> -stone Blog yes  
So, for the next 3 months, I won't have to go through the hassle of filling out 100's of applications, as well as the fact as it looks good on the resume I have been called back and worked for them twice now!

That's all for now... wish me luck!

-stone]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/62646/#comments 16 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/62646 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/62646 Fri, 29 Feb 2008 02:18:12 GMT craigslist gets me thinking... http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/61995 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone <span style="font-size: medium"><span style=""><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS"><b><i>&nbsp;For Sale/Adoption... CHEEP!!!!</i></b></span></span></span><br /> <br /> -&nbsp;one slightly damaged human being to a good home / good family<br /> <br /> -is house-trained (knows how to cook and clean, never mind being house broken)<br /> <br /> -great companion<br /> <br /> -doesn't need too much attention<br /> <br /> -not too spoiled<br /> <br /> - easily entertained by himself<br /> <br /> -(mostly) calm and sensitive<br /> <br /> anyone interested, please reply to this post<br /> <br /> -stone<br /> <br /> <p><i><b>+++Statutory Warning: People who may adopt Stone run a high risk of becoming uber-silly+++</b></i></p> <p>&nbsp;</p> Blog yes  For Sale/Adoption... CHEEP!!!!

- one slightly damaged human being to a good home / good family

-is house-trained (knows how to cook and clean, never mind being house broken)

-great companion

-doesn't need too much attention

-not too spoiled

- easily entertained by himself

-(mostly) calm and sensitive

anyone interested, please reply to this post

-stone

+++Statutory Warning: People who may adopt Stone run a high risk of becoming uber-silly+++

 

]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/61995/#comments 8 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/61995 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/61995 Wed, 20 Feb 2008 04:06:07 GMT ok so I fibbed... http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/61211 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone ... on writing a blog entry soon in my last posting ( I may fib, but rest assured I NEVER LIE!!! Life got&nbsp;a lil crazy again&nbsp;for a bit again, hence lack of update... I swear there will be a big one soon... well .as soon as I get motivated that is)<br /> <br /> Anywho... thanks to all that care about me on here and respond to my posts... they really mean a lot to me to read them, even if I am a bunm and don't respond back right away<br /> <br /> I posted a few new pics, to show off my new hat (my old one got lost in NOLA after Katrina) and the latest color to my hair (if I wasn't job hunting again, I was sooo gonna dye it blue), as well as my latest artwork I did for a flyer for my bro-in-laws band (based on Batmans first comix cover way back when) for when they play the SXSW festival ( I so wish I had the $$$ to go with them)<br /> <br /> ok that's it 4 now... more to come soon<br /> <br /> be well and stay safe my friends...<br /> -stone Blog yes
Anywho... thanks to all that care about me on here and respond to my posts... they really mean a lot to me to read them, even if I am a bunm and don't respond back right away

I posted a few new pics, to show off my new hat (my old one got lost in NOLA after Katrina) and the latest color to my hair (if I wasn't job hunting again, I was sooo gonna dye it blue), as well as my latest artwork I did for a flyer for my bro-in-laws band (based on Batmans first comix cover way back when) for when they play the SXSW festival ( I so wish I had the $$$ to go with them)

ok that's it 4 now... more to come soon

be well and stay safe my friends...
-stone]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/61211/#comments 5 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/61211 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/61211 Sat, 09 Feb 2008 08:24:12 GMT Sorry... http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/58849 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone ... that I haven't been online for awhiloe... old MAC bit the dust, and just got a new (to me) computer. I plan on catching up with e-mails and journals, but there are 500 plus I need to check, so it may take awhile<br /> <br /> Hope everyone had a good Holiday season... I'll write a real journal entry this week on my going's on since I have been online<br /> <br /> -stone Blog yes
Hope everyone had a good Holiday season... I'll write a real journal entry this week on my going's on since I have been online

-stone]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/58849/#comments 14 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/58849 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/58849 Sun, 06 Jan 2008 19:14:49 GMT Did Bush finaly learn to do something right? ... http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/49298 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone ...If so, it's about freaking time! Look in comments as usual Blog yes stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/49298/#comments 7 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/49298 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/49298 Sun, 19 Aug 2007 12:43:44 GMT A "State of Stone" address http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/44490 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone Ok, it's been a bit, but here is an update. The real blog is in the comment section, since macs and safari don't mix well with this site, much like oil and vinegar or cats and dogs Blog yes stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/44490/#comments 12 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/44490 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/44490 Fri, 25 May 2007 04:50:06 GMT New Orleans would have flooded again last year http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/41094 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone So it seems the clusterfuck known as our so-called government, along with the Corps of Engineers would have killed the city once again last year if a storm of katrina's proportions hit new Orleans once again. The article contained in the comment6 section below comes from the AP wire Blog yes stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/41094/#comments 16 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/41094 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/41094 Wed, 14 Mar 2007 01:45:52 GMT ONE HIT WONDER ..NEW ORLEANS AND KATRINA part 3 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39862 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone Again, it is below in the message part...thanks to all who has read it so far and left their thoughts. Blog yes stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39862/#comments 8 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/39862 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39862 Tue, 13 Feb 2007 04:30:00 GMT ONE HIT WONDER..New Orleans and Katrina part 2 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39682 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone Part 2 is in the message part again (damn macs/safari...it'd be nice to do this right!)...Lastpart of this section should be in a day or so (IT is the hardest part to write, and i type too damn slow)..........Feel frr to check out the slideshow of pics from that time as well, set to Blind Melon's CHANGE. <object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/aSUiGxPlqnM"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/aSUiGxPlqnM" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object> Blog yes ]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39682/#comments 9 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/39682 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39682 Fri, 09 Feb 2007 12:44:58 GMT more one hit wonder http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39577 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone here's more one hit wonder...this part of the story is like 95 % true to what happened to me in NOLA (side note...it's pretty freaky, but one of the first times i listen to the radio lately is right now posting this, and the greenday/u2 NOLA song is playing RIGHT THIS SECOND...I wish the saints are coming to help me, since i am still a fucking mess over a year later).......again, the story is in the message part Blog yes stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39577/#comments 10 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/39577 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39577 Wed, 07 Feb 2007 06:40:23 GMT Emotions http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39335 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone I had a friend ask some questions about Mens emotions in a blog recently, and I answered her questons to what i thought 90 percent of the men follow (of course taking me out of the equation, since i am an emotional bastard!) as usual, it's in the comments part, cause my computer hates this website and jumbles everything up! (my answers are in caps) Blog yes stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39335/#comments 6 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/39335 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39335 Thu, 01 Feb 2007 06:31:39 GMT What i been up to http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39132 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone I know I haven't been around much, but y'all know, i go through phases when i write forever, then a phase of being incognito (although i do read everyones journals, it's hard to write sometimes,) So, sorry to all that may think I have abandoned them. I would like to share with y'all what i have been working on lately, and as usual it is in a message box below, since it would be all jumbled up here. I hope y'all enjoy, and constructive criticism is encouraged. -stone Blog yes stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39132/#comments 9 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/39132 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/39132 Sun, 28 Jan 2007 08:11:46 GMT new song i am working on http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/37807 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone here's some lyrics i was working on tonite since i was wicked bored...i just need to mess around with a chorus and it'll be all done since it dosn't look right in here, i'll post it in the COMMENT section (damn mac's) ****************************************************** Blog yes stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/37807/#comments 14 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/37807 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/37807 Sun, 31 Dec 2006 05:24:16 GMT dark days...My overdose story http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/36447 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone Dark Days There is no other way to start this long ass entry except to just dive right into it. I broke up with my girlfriend at the end of September, and went on a binge of drinking and drugs. The girl and I were going to try and be roommates, but we were still fighting often, and my actions during the binge were not helping matters. So, on Tuesday October 24, I went to the bar I worked at across the street and started to slam down drinks until I blacked out. I somehow stumbled home and got into another argument with the girl, then proceeded to grab a bunch of sleeping pills and swallow them in an attempt to take my life. I was later told I tried to go to the bathroom to throw them up, The girl went to check on me, and she heard a noise coming from me that wasn’t a snore, but scarier, so she called 911. (The 911 operator told her the noise she heard is known as a death rattle that is common in overdose cases) The next thing I know I wake up in a hospital room hooked up to a ventilator and other gizmo’s, with my mom, who flew in from Boston, and the ex greeting me. They tell me what happened, and that it was Friday and I am in ICU, and how close a call it was to being over for me. They asked me what I remembered, and I told them at one point I saw the proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel” and I felt myself getting closer to it, which led me to think I was going to heaven. (The ex right away told me that must had been when I was revived in the emergency room, so I still don’t know for sure if there is an afterlife or not, and the one good spiritual moment was shattered) The other thing I remember was waking up tied down to a bed with something down my throat, and banging my hand against the plastic bars as hard as I could, considering I only had about 4 inches of play in the restraints, until drifting off once again. It was a long night with me still feeling the effects of all the medication they gave me, and having to face what I did, as well as admitting I couldn’t go on like I was, and it was time to seek help. Sometime Saturday morning this tall bald guy with a cup of coffee in his hand comes in and introduces himself as Dr so and so and says, “Well, you tried to kill your self, why would you do that?” I tell him I was on a bender, and have been stressed out with breaking up with my girl, worrying about where I was going to stay and money, as well as still trying to get my head straight after dealing with the hurricane last year. He looks at me and says, “What the fuck does the hurricane have to do with you?” (the use of “fuck” was his) to which I responded “Um…I was living in New Orleans, we stayed there for four days, dragged our asses through that nasty water, and lost everything we owned, as well as having a bad experience at the Astrodome. So I think the hurricane has a lot to do with me being in this fucking bed and in this fucking hospital.” All in a much calmer voice than I was feeling, yet that choice of words would end up almost biting me in the ass. As Saturday winds down, they start unhooking me from everything except an IV line, and I am allowed to walk around the room a bit. The lady doctor comes in and is pleased with my progress, and I start to make plans to get clothes together and taken to me, thinking I am getting out sometime Sunday. Sunday rolls around, and I get dressed, ditch the hospital gown, and ask what time I may be released that day, when the nurse tells me that the tall dude was a shrink, and he was going to commit me to a psych hospital. I start to freak out, asking how can someone do that after only a 5-minute visit with me. We ask for a call to the guy to see me again, but they were unable to get a hold of him, At this point I was both bullshit and scared that I was going to be locked up for a long while, and start to think how I was going to escape from this hospital, only to be talked out of by my mom and Trish. They put me on a regular floor that had a camera over the bed to keep an eye on me, and I just laid on the bed, still dressed, until an orderly comes in and tells me I have to get out of those clothes and back into a gown. I tell that dude no problem, and threw a gown on and then took off the shorts and long sleeve shirt I was wearing, while at the desk I hear someone say “Get security in there to get him to give up his clothes.” The orderly tells them to calm down; there was no need for security, since I was already changing. He comes in and tells me they want me to put my stuff in a bag and they'd keep it locked up at the front desk till the hearing, which was when I would have to go to court to fight the commitment. I gladly give up the clothes, all the while knowing I had another set in the closet next to my bed with another pair of shoes and a hat to use if I was going to try and sneak out after a few days. Monday morning comes around and my mom comes in wicked early, glad I didn’t do anything stupid by trying to run (I would have faced criminal charges if I did) and to talk to a social worker there. We get a social worker to come in and talk to us, and the lady tells us there is nothing we can really do until the hearing, since the hospital is liable if I try to hurt myself again. My mom offers to accept responsibility for me, but the lady doesn’t think that will float with the shrink. After she leaves I tell my mom I will be ok, and to head back to Boston by Wednesday, and I’d just keep her updated, she did all she could, all the while planning on leaving as soon as I knew she was in the air. Well, by some miracle, the shrink went for the plan, and I was signed out in my moms custody, and was told I’d have to go with her to Boston and seek counsuling there, or I would be brought up on charges. I agree and sign the paper work, wait till they remove the last IV line, grab my bag they had, and run down to the front of the building and chain smoke a few cigarettes until my ride came to pick us up, thankful I was able to get out of that situation. I go back to the apartment and pack up my shit (after a year of losing everything I owned, and then starting over, I ended up with 2 boxes that I mailed, two bags of clothes I was taking on the plane, and a guitar…kinda depressing that’s all I have, yet kind of cool I simplified life that much) So, Halloween night I got on a plane at midnite and headed back to Boston to try and once again pick up the pieces of my life. (I did hit 300 bucks on a slot machine at the airport with the last 20 bucks I had, so it was, to me, a good omen towards this new phase of my life). I have since started some counseling, and along with the posttraumatic stress they diagnosed me with last year, I was told I am also bi-polar, and really need to go on meds. I have been debating the whole med thing, but more and more I am leaning towards going down that route to see if they do help, since I can’t go on living with all the rage and thoughts I have been dealing with. I am thankful am alive, but things do need to get better for me. I just want to be ok…I don’t need to be great all the time, but dealing with all the extreme highs and lows has really started to take a huge chunk out of my soul, and I’d like at least a little of it back. Blog yes stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/36447/#comments 29 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/36447 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/36447 Wed, 29 Nov 2006 01:47:37 GMT a quick (for me) update http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/34297 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone <p>-I am SO F'ING GLAD I made the cut on this site and wasn't deactivated...this site not only rocks, but it really has helped out my mental state typing with the cool ass people i have had the pleasure of meeting on here! VIVA LA NATION~!</p> <p>-MAJOR DRAMA ALERT!!!!...I am now single, for reasons I am not mentally strong enough to type about now, except to say neither one of us has gotten over the horror we saw during the whole Katrina ordeal. Someday soon I will once again type one of my long ass blogs about this all, but the short story is although we still love each other, we are not IN love, and us staying together can just lead to anything positive for us </p> <p>Although me deciding to end it will be beneficial in the long term, the last few weeks my decision &nbsp;hasn't really been too good for me. I have had 5 blackouts from drinking in last 2 weeks (I only drank 6 times, so a wicked bad %), which led me to somehow be nice to everyone but her, and I ended up being a total prick to her by tearing her apart verbally during&nbsp;a couple of those blackouts. </p> <p>Now, before everyone totally hates on me, she also went out of her way to try to hurt me by flirting with a couple of dudes at the bar I work at on monday (RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!), as well as talk a lot of shit about me to people i know, we squashed a lot of our anger and talked a lot of it out when we got home monday morning, and although we are still splitting up, we vowed to stop our nonsense, and act our age. We realise that we went through&nbsp;more shit in the 18 months we were together than most would go through in 50 years of a relationship, and even though we may not be able to live together, we will always come running if the other needs our help because we will always have each others back.</p> <p>(I have to say that our makeupafterfighting/yetstillbreakingup sex&nbsp; on monday was the best we had that did not include our usage of some of our favorite &quot;party favors&quot; that we both have used in the past to add a different demension to our sessions)</p> <p>-there is a lot more going on, but I am not able to share that info yet, but i promise upates as early and often as possible. Type ya all soon</p> <p>-stone</p> <p>(even though we are broken up, I will always &quot;pimp' for her...so,if ya all want to read some great vampire/erotic novels, get yourself the &quot;Crimson Kiss&quot; trilogy by TRISHA BAKER on ebay or such used book websites!)</p> Blog yes -I am SO F'ING GLAD I made the cut on this site and wasn't deactivated...this site not only rocks, but it really has helped out my mental state typing with the cool ass people i have had the pleasure of meeting on here! VIVA LA NATION~!

-MAJOR DRAMA ALERT!!!!...I am now single, for reasons I am not mentally strong enough to type about now, except to say neither one of us has gotten over the horror we saw during the whole Katrina ordeal. Someday soon I will once again type one of my long ass blogs about this all, but the short story is although we still love each other, we are not IN love, and us staying together can just lead to anything positive for us

Although me deciding to end it will be beneficial in the long term, the last few weeks my decision  hasn't really been too good for me. I have had 5 blackouts from drinking in last 2 weeks (I only drank 6 times, so a wicked bad %), which led me to somehow be nice to everyone but her, and I ended up being a total prick to her by tearing her apart verbally during a couple of those blackouts.

Now, before everyone totally hates on me, she also went out of her way to try to hurt me by flirting with a couple of dudes at the bar I work at on monday (RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!), as well as talk a lot of shit about me to people i know, we squashed a lot of our anger and talked a lot of it out when we got home monday morning, and although we are still splitting up, we vowed to stop our nonsense, and act our age. We realise that we went through more shit in the 18 months we were together than most would go through in 50 years of a relationship, and even though we may not be able to live together, we will always come running if the other needs our help because we will always have each others back.

(I have to say that our makeupafterfighting/yetstillbreakingup sex  on monday was the best we had that did not include our usage of some of our favorite "party favors" that we both have used in the past to add a different demension to our sessions)

-there is a lot more going on, but I am not able to share that info yet, but i promise upates as early and often as possible. Type ya all soon

-stone

(even though we are broken up, I will always "pimp' for her...so,if ya all want to read some great vampire/erotic novels, get yourself the "Crimson Kiss" trilogy by TRISHA BAKER on ebay or such used book websites!)

]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/34297/#comments 15 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/34297 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/34297 Thu, 12 Oct 2006 15:18:49 GMT About Me. a collection of survey questions http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/33330 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone <p><font size="2">I took some random questions from surveys and added them together for this blog...as usual, it's freaking long, but i hope both informative and entertaining</font></p> <p><font size="2">***********************************************************</font></p> <p><font size="2"></font>&nbsp;</p> <p><font size="2">Do you have any big plans for November?<br />-still trying to get through Sept. while not totally losing my shit, never mind November</font></p> <p><font size="2">&nbsp;Rock, paper, or scissors?&nbsp; -STONE of course<br /><br /></font><font size="2">What was the last song you heard?<br />- a hives song on Gwen's page before i turned off the computer sound<br /></font><font size="2"><br />&nbsp;Quote something from last night?<br />-After I had 3 of my 4 booths filled with sleeping customers ...i said to another customer &quot;I have one vacancy left&quot;...and he actually filled up last booth...i should charge rent</font></p> <p><font size="2">When you meet the right person, would you fall fast?<br />-sometimes it just instantly clicks mentally and physically and all you want to do is spend every possible moment with the other...and due to other circumstances you must walk away...those are the ones that hurt...if there's a slow build it's usually going to work it's way out somehow<font size="2"><br /></font><br /></font><font size="2">What time did you wake up today?<br />-It's still yesterday to me...haven't been to bed yet (started work on sunday nite grave, it's now monday evening, and probably will stay awake till end of my shift tuesday morning...damn insomnia)<br /><br />Any plans for today/this evening?<br />-again it's still YESTERDAY to me (graveyard shifts wack out your time lines)<br /><br />Have you recently been insulted?<br />-have been insulted and insulted others many time over last few days&nbsp;(it seems to be a hobby among me and my friends to bust balls )<br /><br />Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? <br />Absolutely&nbsp; I am a catch...I am a poor, rude, chain smoking,binge drinking, red meat eating,mentally unstable man who hates humanity...who wouldn't love me?<br /><br />Are there people you feel more connected to than others?<br />- I absolutly hate people, but like individuals...I get along with 95 percent of society, but I'd never invite them to my house...there are a few i let close, but i still have to be a little guarded so i don't scare them away<br /></font><font size="2"><br />Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others?<br />-No,there are a few...they are the ones who get the long ass e-mails!</font></p> <p><font size="2">&nbsp;If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?<br />-just say it... and expect me to warn you you don't want to be near the trainwreck that is my life</font></p> <p><font size="2">Have you ever had your heart broken?<br />-Did before... unfortunatly will again (if I had one left)<br /><br /><br />Have you ever been in a recording studio?<br />Quite a few times...Had a small one at home for quite a few years myself<br /><br />Are any of your myspace pictures alcohol related? <br />-all the ones from work are, as well as the one from New Orleans where I am on porch, the water keeps rising, and we are smiling since we are killing the huge ass bottles of wine by the hour<br /><br />What is your worst relationship quality?<br />-I tend to attract the craziest girls, most end up either on medication or the looney bin...(I swear it isn't my fault!!! they were all warped to begin with!)...so if you think you want to date me..BE WARNED!!!!!<br /><br />&nbsp;What were you most recently happy about?<br />-getting drunk with some good friends this weekend</font></p> <p><font size="2">Who have you hung out the most with lately?<br />-Anyone who happened across me at the bar when i was both a customer or the bartender<br /><br />. Are you a fan of cake?<br />_I liked their song &quot;The Distance&quot;, but not their version (or any for that matter) of &quot;I Will Survive&quot; (lol...i kill me!!! the real answer is it's like I told the Muzac Boys on Saturday, cake and beer don't mix, so I avoid it usually)<br /><br />What shirt have you not worn in a while that you would like to?<br />-all the shirts I lost in Katrina (had a great t-shirt/sports jersey collection)&nbsp;<br /><br />Name someone you know who is most likely to be found at a bar on Wednesday night?<br />-ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</font></p> <p><font size="2">If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as?<br />-since i don't have a costume, i'd say i was the invisable man to anyone who asked where i was<br /></font><font size="2"><br />&nbsp;What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?<br />-the ability to have an intelligent conversation<br /></font><font size="2"><br />Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other?<br />-as a bartender i am not interested in 90 %&nbsp;of what I hear and if I could sleep with my eyes open and standing up, i so would..Lately i just nod and smile, then just wander away and clean something</font></p> <p><font size="2"></font><br /><font size="2"><br /><br />&nbsp;</font></p> Blog yes I took some random questions from surveys and added them together for this blog...as usual, it's freaking long, but i hope both informative and entertaining

***********************************************************

 

Do you have any big plans for November?
-still trying to get through Sept. while not totally losing my shit, never mind November

 Rock, paper, or scissors?  -STONE of course

What was the last song you heard?
- a hives song on Gwen's page before i turned off the computer sound

 Quote something from last night?
-After I had 3 of my 4 booths filled with sleeping customers ...i said to another customer "I have one vacancy left"...and he actually filled up last booth...i should charge rent

When you meet the right person, would you fall fast?
-sometimes it just instantly clicks mentally and physically and all you want to do is spend every possible moment with the other...and due to other circumstances you must walk away...those are the ones that hurt...if there's a slow build it's usually going to work it's way out somehow

What time did you wake up today?
-It's still yesterday to me...haven't been to bed yet (started work on sunday nite grave, it's now monday evening, and probably will stay awake till end of my shift tuesday morning...damn insomnia)

Any plans for today/this evening?
-again it's still YESTERDAY to me (graveyard shifts wack out your time lines)

Have you recently been insulted?
-have been insulted and insulted others many time over last few days (it seems to be a hobby among me and my friends to bust balls )

Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone?
Absolutely  I am a catch...I am a poor, rude, chain smoking,binge drinking, red meat eating,mentally unstable man who hates humanity...who wouldn't love me?

Are there people you feel more connected to than others?
- I absolutly hate people, but like individuals...I get along with 95 percent of society, but I'd never invite them to my house...there are a few i let close, but i still have to be a little guarded so i don't scare them away

Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others?
-No,there are a few...they are the ones who get the long ass e-mails!

 If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
-just say it... and expect me to warn you you don't want to be near the trainwreck that is my life

Have you ever had your heart broken?
-Did before... unfortunatly will again (if I had one left)


Have you ever been in a recording studio?
Quite a few times...Had a small one at home for quite a few years myself

Are any of your myspace pictures alcohol related?
-all the ones from work are, as well as the one from New Orleans where I am on porch, the water keeps rising, and we are smiling since we are killing the huge ass bottles of wine by the hour

What is your worst relationship quality?
-I tend to attract the craziest girls, most end up either on medication or the looney bin...(I swear it isn't my fault!!! they were all warped to begin with!)...so if you think you want to date me..BE WARNED!!!!!

 What were you most recently happy about?
-getting drunk with some good friends this weekend

Who have you hung out the most with lately?
-Anyone who happened across me at the bar when i was both a customer or the bartender

. Are you a fan of cake?
_I liked their song "The Distance", but not their version (or any for that matter) of "I Will Survive" (lol...i kill me!!! the real answer is it's like I told the Muzac Boys on Saturday, cake and beer don't mix, so I avoid it usually)

What shirt have you not worn in a while that you would like to?
-all the shirts I lost in Katrina (had a great t-shirt/sports jersey collection) 

Name someone you know who is most likely to be found at a bar on Wednesday night?
-ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as?
-since i don't have a costume, i'd say i was the invisable man to anyone who asked where i was

 What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?
-the ability to have an intelligent conversation

Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other?
-as a bartender i am not interested in 90 % of what I hear and if I could sleep with my eyes open and standing up, i so would..Lately i just nod and smile, then just wander away and clean something




 

]]> stone Blog http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/33330/#comments 8 http://rss.deviantnation.com/comments/journal/33330 http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/33330 Tue, 26 Sep 2006 01:49:38 GMT 9-11...then and now http://deviantnation.com/members/stone/32375 [Deviant Nation] stone's Journal stone <p><br />***********<br />Most Americians were just going about their lives as usual early in the morning of 9-11.Only seconds after the first reports of one of the WTC towers was on fire with a huge hole in it, word spread fast something major was happening. An entire country quickly started to gather in front of any place a tv was available to find out why a plane somehow ended up crashing into one of the biggest structures worldwide.</p> <p>Every one had their own opinions... some said it was a malfunction of engines, while others thought it may have possibly been high winds. Phone lines across the nation were jammed with people asking each other if they were watching this bizzare scene. </p> <p>It wasn't long before all conversations came to an instant stop,&nbsp; replaced with gasps, shouts, curse words, or even just stunned silence when the unthinkable happened. Another plane smashed into the second tower in a fiery explosion .</p> <p>An entire nation came to a totally complete standstill for a moment while millions of it's citizens tried to process the horrific image they had just seen with their own eyes, but still couldn't believe it was real. It didn't take long till the population of this country realised we were under attack, and our lives will never be the same from this moment on.</p> <p>Rumors were flying faster than one could truly comprehend and for the first time in it's modern history this country was in total fear and panic. When reports of another aircraft had hit the Pentagon and possibly the white house was the next target, all thoughts turned to loved ones and wondering if they were safe.</p> <p>&nbsp;Millions of ordinary citizens across this land&nbsp; watched in horror as one of the towers crumbled upon itself taking with it all persons still contained inside. When the second tower soon followed, one could almost feel the wind sucked out of everybodys lungs. Americians just witnessed live the deaths of people who were just like they were, working folks that went to their job so they could support their families, only to be taken from their families in a senseless act of terrorism. </p> <p>War had suddenly been declared on Americia, and in business's and home's the ocuppents wondered if they could be next. </p> <p>When another plane is comfirmed down in PA ,and fears that&nbsp; more will be used as weapons, the entire airline industry was instantly grounded. Slowly but surely people started to grasp the reality of all it witnessed, and when it was finally confirmed all planes were safe after a few extremely tense hours, you could almost hear a collective sigh of relief all across this land. The attack was over, but now we needed to find out how bad the attack was.</p> <p>The vast majority of the country closed up shop for the night and went home to be with their loved ones. Every man, woman and child huddled around their televisions and watched the scenes of the day. As the images flickered past their eyes, morale was at the lowest ever, and many wondered if we ever would recover from all of this.</p> <p>Just as soon as Americia collectivelly bottomed out, a new image soon changed the complexion of an entire nations psyche. A small group of fireman climbed the rubble of the towers, and much like the iconic photo of the soldiers in Iro Jima, they raised the Americian flag in a gesture that both honored the many souls lost on that site, as well as telling our enemies we will recover from this tragedy even stronger than we were before.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </p> <p>In no time at all the entire country started to come together after witnessing that scene, and responded with&nbsp; an amazing display of Americian pride that spread across the land. One couldn't go far with out seeing the familiar red, white and blue in various forms. Some hung great big flags on their home or business. An overwhelming majority of citizens affixed their cars with small flags or decals.Newspapers nationwide printed a picture of old glory that was instantly taped up on doors , windows or walls of virtually every store, office or home across the nation.</p> <p>The spirit got the country up and running in now time at all. The people started to respond to the negative event in truly positive ways.Donations of blood or money came storming in, even to the point of where some agencies had to turn back potential donors since they couldn't use all that was offered.</p> <p>It was truly a great time to be an Americian, and everyone believed everything was not only going to be back to normal, but it will be even better.</p> <p>***************************************************</p> <p>It's now 5 years later. When you look around now a days you don't see flags on every house or business. Barely any&nbsp;vehicles&nbsp;have any sort of decoration to celebrate America or memmorial to the attacks.</p> <p>&nbsp;The 9-11 Commission is started to find out the events that led up to the attacks, and give advice how to avoid future attacks.They found that19 men got on four planes and ended up causing over 2,900 casualities&nbsp;since&nbsp;&nbsp;&quot;the plotters were flexible and resourceful, we cannot know whether any single step or series of steps would have defeated them&quot;.</p> <p>Even more alarming was the revelation our country was undefended almost 2 &frac12; hours after the hijackings began,&nbsp;due to&nbsp;the lack of communication between the FAA and NOMAD and the executive branch When the hijackers turned off the planes id beacons, both agencies didn't know where the planes were among the 500 in the air at the time, and proceeded to send fighter jets chasing planes that already crashed among other major miscommunications.Bush and Chaney didn't discuss the shoot down protocol until 2 hours after the attacks started when chaney gave NORAD permission to&quot; engage (any) inbound plane.&quot;&nbsp;NORAD's commander never passed on the order to the fighter jets over New York and Washington because he&nbsp;was &quot;unsure how the pilots would, or should, proceed with this guidance.&quot;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>Had more planes been hijacked that morning, as the terrorists once intended, God only knows how many more Americians would have died due to the idiots we trusted to protect us. </p> <p>On Oct. 26 2001, President Bush singed into law the Patriot Act, which gave the govt new&nbsp;tools to fight terrorism,&nbsp;while robbing&nbsp;Americans basic civil rights. Investegators can now seek your financial, library, travel, phone,video rental,&nbsp;medical, and church&nbsp;records, as well as topics searched&nbsp;on the internet. You&nbsp;can be searched without your knowledge or consent, as long as&nbsp;investigator just mention&nbsp;you may be in cahoots with terrorists.</p> <p>We have been engaged in what our leaders call a war on terror since the attacks,&nbsp;but we have yet to catch the man responsible,&nbsp;The President eventually suggests that&nbsp;the focus be&nbsp;taken off of Bin Laden and switched to Hussein and Iraq, with most of the reasons originally given proven to been misleading&nbsp;or&nbsp;blantantly lied about&nbsp;now. (has even ONE wmd been found?)&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;We eventually&nbsp;get Hussein,&nbsp;while way too many of&nbsp;our soldiers died in vain since the country dosn't seem to want to help themselves.We have lost over 2600 soldiers since the start of the war in March 2003&nbsp;.On May 1,2003 President Bush dresses up in a flight suit and lands a fighter plane on a ship, steps up to a microphone still in costume and&nbsp;declares the end of major combat operations in Iraq.The resistance has only gotten progressively worse each day since that infamous speach.</p> <p>The public has been told that because of all it learned since 9-11, America is now fully prepared for any sort of disaster that may happen on our soil.</p> <p>Do i have to go into my Katrina rants again? (just check earlier blogs)</p> <p>President Bush is going to go on tv tonight and tell the people the &quot;War on terror&quot; is going to be a&nbsp;long term commimentment and costly.</p> <p>It's such a fucking shame that this Administration and government&nbsp;is responsible for over 7,300 deaths&nbsp;betweenthe 3 major events of&nbsp;the 9-11hijackings, The War on Terror(iraq), and Hurricane Katrina&nbsp;(i am afraid to add up the wounded numbers, or even the money these 3 events have cost us, since i'd really blow a circuit.), while also taking away the rights of it's citizens.</p> <p>I wonder sometimes who the bad guys really are...just who the terriorist threats are to the people of america...I am starting to think its&nbsp;our so called government and Mr Bush.&nbsp;</p> Blog yes
***********
Most Americians were just going about their lives as usual early in the morning of 9-11.Only seconds after the first reports of one of the WTC towers was on fire with a huge hole in it, word spread fast something major was happening. An entire country quickly started to gather in front of any place a tv was available to find out why a plane somehow ended up crashing into one of the biggest structures worldwide.

Every one had their own opinions... some said it was a malfunction of engines, while others thought it may have possibly been high winds. Phone lines across the nation were jammed with people asking each other if they were watching this bizzare scene.

It wasn't long before all conversations came to an instant stop,  replaced with gasps, shouts, curse words, or even just stunned silence when the unthinkable happened. Another plane smashed into the second tower in a fiery explosion .

An entire nation came to a totally complete standstill for a moment while millions of it's citizens tried to process the horrific image they had just seen with their own eyes, but still couldn't believe it was real. It didn't take long till the population of this country realised we were under attack, and our lives will never be the same from this moment on.

Rumors were flying faster than one could truly comprehend and for the first time in it's modern history this country was in total fear and panic. When reports of another aircraft had hit the Pentagon and possibly the white house was the next target, all thoughts turned to loved ones and wondering if they were safe.

 Millions of ordinary citizens across this land  watched in horror as one of the towers crumbled upon itself taking with it all persons still contained inside. When the second tower soon followed, one could almost feel the wind sucked out of everybodys lungs. Americians just witnessed live the deaths of people who were just like they were, working folks that went to their job so they could support their families, only to be taken from their families in a senseless act of terrorism.

War had suddenly been declared on Americia, and in business's and home's the ocuppents wondered if they could be next.

When another plane is comfirmed down in PA ,and fears that  more will be used as weapons, the entire airline industry was instantly grounded. Slowly but surely people started to grasp the reality of all it witnessed, and when it was finally confirmed all planes were safe after a few extremely tense hours, you could almost hear a collective sigh of relief all across this land. The attack was over, but now we needed to find out how bad the attack was.

The vast majority of the country closed up shop for the night and went home to be with their loved ones. Every man, woman and child huddled around their televisions and watched the scenes of the day. As the images flickered past their eyes, morale was at the lowest ever, and many wondered if we ever would recover from all of this.

Just as soon as Americia collectivelly bottomed out, a new image soon changed the complexion of an entire nations psyche. A small group of fireman climbed the rubble of the towers, and much like the iconic photo of the soldiers in Iro Jima, they raised the Americian flag in a gesture that both honored the many souls lost on that site, as well as telling our enemies we will recover from this tragedy even stronger than we were before.   

In no time at all the entire country started to come together after witnessing that scene, and responded with  an amazing display of Americian pride that spread across the land. One couldn't go far with out seeing the familiar red, white and blue in various forms. Some hung great big flags on their home or business. An overwhelming majority of citizens affixed their cars with small flags or decals.Newspapers nationwide printed a picture of old glory that was instantly taped up on doors , windows or walls of virtually every store, office or home across the nation.

The spirit got the country up and running in now time at all. The people started to respond to the negative event in truly positive ways.Donations of blood or money came storming in, even to the point of where some agencies had to turn back potential donors since they couldn't use all that was offered.

It was truly a great time to be an Americian, and everyone believed everything was not only going to be back to normal, but it will be even better.

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It's now 5 years later. When you look around now a days you don't see flags on every house or business. Barely any vehicles have any sort of decoration to celebrate America or memmorial to the attacks.

 The 9-11 Commission is started to find out the events that led up to the attacks, and give advice how to avoid future attacks.They found that19 men got on four planes and ended up causing over 2,900 casualities since  "the plotters were flexible and resourceful, we cannot know whether any single step or series of steps would have defeated them".

Even more alarming was the revelation our country was undefended almost 2 ½ hours after the hijackings began, due to the lack of communication between the FAA and NOMAD and the executive branch When the hijackers turned off the planes id beacons, both agencies didn't know where the planes were among the 500 in the air at the time, and proceeded to send fighter jets chasing planes that already crashed among other major miscommunications.Bush and Chaney didn't discuss the shoot down protocol until 2 hours after the attacks started when chaney gave NORAD permission to" engage (any) inbound plane." NORAD's commander never passed on the order to the fighter jets over New York and Washington because he was "unsure how the pilots would, or should, proceed with this guidance."   

Had more planes been hijacked that morning, as the terrorists once intended, God only knows how many more Americians would have died due to the idiots we trusted to protect us.

On Oct. 26 2001, President Bush singed into law the Patriot Act, which gave the govt new tools to fight terrorism, while robbing Americans basic civil rights. Investegators can now seek your f